Christians should be loving, tolerant, forgiving and longsuffering. They should never harbour resentment but, alas, they do. A dictionary definition is as follows: ‘Resentment (also called ranklement or bitterness) is the experience of a negative emotion felt as a result of a real or imagined wrong done’. It is surprisingly common and affects us all to some extent, but it affects some much more than others. It is harmful in the church and destructive to our relationship to God. Some seem untroubled by it but this shows either their spiritual blindness or their low spiritual state. Resentment should have no place in a healthy Christian life. As children of God we should fight against it. We should be ashamed of it. As long as we are in the flesh, fleshly responses are to be expected but we must never justify them. We have no right to have any other attitude to fellow-Christians than love and a desire for the very best for them.

We all have a history. In our way through life we do thoughtless things and hurt people without realizing it. Other times, sadly, we hurt people and we meant to. If people were to deal with us as we deserve we would have lots of enemies and very few friends. If God were to deal with us as we deserve we would all be in hell. Praise God, He loves His enemies. Praise the Lord Jesus Christ that He died for those who sinned against Him, mocked Him and crucified Him. Praise the Holy Spirit that He came to dwell in our hearts and will not leave us though we grieve Him by resisting His leading, rejecting His light on the Word and trampling on His voice through our conscience. Let us remember the exhortation of Christ to His disciples ‘If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me’ (Mt. 16:24).Where is our self denial, our patient cross bearing and our following of Christ?

Expressions of Resentment⤒🔗

How does resentment express itself in our lives? There are many different ways but the following are some examples. There are people you will avoid if you can. You can’t stand them. The very sight of them brings a knot into your stomach. If at all possible you would cross the road, or turn the other way, to avoid them. Maybe you feel so strongly that you won’t speak to them and would refuse to shake their hand. Generally you struggle to be civil to them but you feel very uneasy. You smile on the outside but inside you are full of resentment. Behind their back you feel happy and justified in criticising them. You enjoy belittling them, mocking them to your friends and spreading uncomplimentary stories about them. Maybe you have been involved with them in Christian work but you have said that you will never work with them again. Perhaps you have helped them in the past but you have decided that you will never help them again.

Reasons for Resentment←⤒🔗

Why do we feel such resentment against any individual? Often it is because we feel someone slighted us. They have made us look foolish. We feel they have undermined us and shown us up. They have hurt us and treated us badly. Revenge is a natural reaction. We want to get our own back. We want them to apologise or really feel hurt in some way for what they did. We feel, perhaps, that they did not show sufficient respect to us. Feeling offended by them we tried to speak to them about it but were brushed aside. We tried to make peace but they made no effort so we feel justified in retaining our resentment. Before we will treat them as brothers again they must apologise to us.

Perhaps we feel they are arrogant and full of themselves. Maybe we feel they have been less than truthful or even downright dishonest. How can we respect them? We can never trust them again. Maybe your good name has been undermined. Does not the Larger Catechism say that we are to defend our own good name and that of others? I am a mature Christian and shouldn’t be treated in that way. Actually I am an elder or even a minister in the church. I deserve some respect.

Causes of Resentment←⤒🔗

What is the basic cause of resentment? Essentially it is hurt pride. We can dress it up as zeal for God’s cause, concern for the truth, upholding our own and other’s good name, and seeking the spiritual good of those who have offended us but basically it is our own hurt pride. And what is pride but self-worship? We want ourselves to stand out as wonderful and others to think that we are good, kind, clever, wise, knowledgeable and essentially great Christians. We readily confess that we are sinners, but make it particular and call us liars, hypocrites and adulterers and see our hackles go up and our anger seethe. We confess that we are saved by grace alone but at the same time we think ourselves just as good as others and better than most. Self-righteousness arises and we are going to clear our name. Underlying this problem is a lack of love for others. We have little of the character of Christ who made Himself of no reputation for our salvation. If we were more mature as Christians we would show far less concern for ourselves, our family and our party and far more concern for the glory of Christ and the good of His cause and kingdom.

Scriptural Teaching Regarding Resentment←⤒🔗

The Biblical teaching with regard to resentment couldn’t be clearer or simpler. It is devastating to hurt pride, self-importance, self-righteousness and party spirit. A few passages of Scripture will suffice. Let us all try to take them to heart and feel the full force of them.

Matthew 5:43-48←↰⤒🔗

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus states:

Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; that ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.Matthew 5:43-48

No room is left here for doubt. We are to love even our enemies. Some will do horrible things to us yet that gives us no right to demand an apology before we love and forgive them. We are to be children of our Father in heaven who forgives us many sins that we do not even recognize as sins and therefore never confess.

Matthew 18:21-22←↰⤒🔗

Peter felt frustrated with his brother. He had forgiven him many times, yet over and over again this brother offended him. Christ makes plain that there is to be no limit to the times he forgives his brother.

Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

Romans 12:17-21←↰⤒🔗

Paul recommends never seeking revenge but winning those who hurt us through our kindness to them. 

Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

1 Corinthians 12:25-27←↰⤒🔗

It is important to remember the essential unity of the church. Christ has one body on earth and it even includes those Christians in heaven. Every Christian has a place in the body and is a part of it. We all belong together and need one another. This unity should be expressed as much as is possible, but, of course, without denying purity of doctrine, worship and discipline:

That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another. And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it. Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.

Let us remember that we belong to each other. If one suffers, all suffer, and let the bonds of family affection overcome all obstacles to unity and warm fellowship.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7←↰⤒🔗

1 Corinthians 13 extols love. It is the ‘more excellent way’ and should be sought above all else.

Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

Is our love longsuffering, bearing all things, enduring all things? Does our love envy not, is not puffed up, thinks no evil? Does our love seek not her own? Are we completely unselfish and believing the best of everyone? We should be.

John←↰⤒🔗

In chapter 13 of John we have the great mark which Jesus gave of a true Christian: 

A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.Jn. 13:34-35

The church should be characterized by love to such an extent that the whole world can see it. Real love for one another will cover a multitude of sins (1 Pet.4:8), that is, excuse their sins against us. Such love will allow no resentment to arise among believers. In His High Priestly prayer our Lord pleads for His people, ‘that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me’ (Jn. 17:23). Christ in heaven is interceding that we on earth would be truly united in love for one another. This would be the great evidence to the world that God had sent the Saviour.

Do you bear resentment towards any fellow-Christian? Is there any brother or sister in Christ to whom you will not talk or to whom you find it difficult to be civil? Do you sincerely wish every child of God the very best? Have you forgiven every fellow-believer for every nasty thing they have done to you?