When you travel down the highway of life you come across stately church buildings and some less venerable edifices that have amazing signage. I mean those locked signs that have interchangeable letters. What, really, is the value of these signs? Do these signs truly give the information that will draw you into the building or the congregation?

I know of what I speak. For a number of years I was responsible as local pastor to take care of the of­ficial church sign and see to it that the sign would have meaningful and attractive weekly messages. That's an almost impossible mandate, but local pastors are not eas­ily daunted. I went on an investigative journey and took along some young people who are more capable than I am to read and interpret present-day signs.

Anyway, first a practical note. The sign I tended to is very large with huge Plexiglas panels that had to be held up by my back while I tried to shuffle the letters into something legible. I started to walk around as a question mark, but that was not the hardest part. Do not tackle such signs in the cold Ontario winter. My hair took on the texture of permafrost peat moss. If only my dad had immigrated to Hawaii.

Open-Minded⤒🔗

My youthful companions informed me that I had to be open-minded and be tolerant of things that come from outside our "tradition." I almost started a discussion on the value of tradition, but happily the first sign we en­countered read, "Don't be so open-minded; your brains will fall out."

I suggested in self-defence that perhaps I was too old for this kind of adventure. Then I read a sign, "Don't re­gret growing older; it's a privilege denied to many." I am getting on in years, you know, and with the years some wisdom does come. One of my compatriots said, "You were a bit of a radical when you were young..." and as I was pondering the meaning of this, I read on one sign, "A radical is someone who has both feet planted in the air." I am grateful for the peat moss.

ABC←⤒🔗

Some church signs do not go very deep and are based simply on the alphabet. One sign had only the three let­ters A B C and found a way to have a message, "Always Believe Christ." Do you know your ABCs?

One sign read, "A.S.A.P: Always Say A Prayer." I found this not to be as genuine as the words in 1 Thessa­lonians 5:16-18, "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." A prayer is quickly said, but a life of joy, prayer, and thankfulness means a constant, daily process of focusing on Christ our Lord. I had a little sign text of my own, "It takes a lifetime to raise a Christian" but that was rejected by my companions because it sounded too much like, "It takes a village to raise a child." Don't pla­giarize on your church sign. Okay.

There was also this one, "A.T.M. Inside." Do you know what an ATM is? The church sign said, "A.T.M. Inside: Atonement, Truth, and Mercy." Cute, but a machine is automatic, while God is personal. There was also U.P.S., which is a good alternative to Canada Post, but the ren­dering "God is the Universal Power Supply" is rather flat. God is not a power supply, but a living and caring Father.

More Theological←⤒🔗

Almost everyone agreed that we need messages with more theological substance, or as someone said, "More oomph." Did you know that theological substance is like "oomph"? I learned something that day: we need a deeper appreciation for the oomphatic element.

Well, here are some church signs that have more oomph. "The Rapture: separation of church and state." That one cuts deeply. Or this one, "Puppy love has sent many a good man to the dogs." I was not sure about the oomph in this one, "Thank you for our pastor John Doe." Some more oomph? "To be almost saved is to be totally lost." That is a truly Reformed statement, although not everyone recognizes it as such.

I liked this Thanksgiving message, although I am not sure if it has any oomph. "An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day." There was this advent or pre-Christ­mas message, "Come in and pray today – and beat the Christmas rush." Some hack had written, "A Turkey never voted for an early Christmas."

Some signs are indeed really geared to the season. New Year's Day: God can make all things new, even you!" Ouch. Valentine: Jesus asks, "Be mine" (tacky...). Easter: "3 nails, 1 cross. 4given" (silly and irreverent...). Re­minded me of algebra. Summer: "Our church is prayer-conditioned" (rather lame...). Pentecost: "This church is SOULer-powered" (environmentally correct, but bib­lically unsound. It should really be: empowered by the Holy Spirit).

The Gospel on a Postage Stamp?←⤒🔗

Actually I was not convinced on my exciting journey that these signs are really useful. Many of the messages do not display biblical truth. The idea seems to be that we must hook into modern trends, and be "culturally" relevant. Try this one: "Church Shopping? We're open on Sundays." Church shopping is not a benevolent pastime: it's wrong. "I pod? I pad? I pray." Yuck.

Sometimes we try to be too smart. But you cannot print the gospel on a postage stamp or reduce it to a quaint saying. This was the striving of some in the 1960s. Everything had to be simplified. I remember this from the time that I was a young student. Previous century stuff, already. Sometimes simplicity is taken to its ex­treme and becomes cumbersome. We are left pondering what certain signs really mean, and we keep scratching our peat moss.

If we do have a sign or want to install one, take a lit­tle hint from a veteran signer. Signs are not bad in them­selves. The best thing to do is put a text from Scripture on the sign. Then it is God's Word made public. I don't think that such a sign really brings or keeps visitors in, for commitment flows from faith which is worked by the Holy Spirit through the (regular) preaching of God's Word (Heidelberg Catechism, Lord's Day 7, Romans 10:17). But in this way the sign shows respect for the Word of God and may enhance the reputation of the church.

I saved the best sign for last. On the way home, close to our house, we found a church that had this message boldly on its sign, "Sign broken. Come inside for mes­sage." Superb.