Introduction⤒🔗

The working title which the editors entrusted to paper with this topic, was praying when expectation and reality are at odds with each other. With the final title — see above — I have looked for shorter wording. The world of thought, which is behind this though, you find back in the above sentence.

It does not need to be argued that with this topic we land in a spiritually very tender terrain. This applies to every subject that deals with praying. Praying is after all, as one can say, one of the most intimate parts of spiritual life. In Matthew 6, Jesus says: “go into your room and shut the door”. There, where no one sees us, where we therefore are enabled and allowed to feel free, there the deepest things which trouble our life may be made known to the Lord. A tender task…even more so when we consider how our prayers are received in heaven and how the Lord hears and answers our prayers.

In our personal life as well as in our task as office bearers, we notice the knots which can appear in our lives, when our life — or that of the congregation members entrusted to our care — takes a turn against what we have been praying for. Enormous questions may be raised; a crisis or valley in faith-life can also be the result of this.

In this article I will try to sketch some lines to make it easier to deal with this very personal subject.

Some Biblical Data←⤒🔗

It is not difficult to point to Biblical examples which tie in with our subject. Let me first mention some which teach us that we should not too quickly resign ourselves to the facts of life, and not pray for a change for the better.

First of all, I think of the history related in Numbers 13 and 14, where it tells about the twelve men who spy out the land of Canaan. Two of them, Caleb and Joshua, are going against the majority. The facts are clear: fortified cities and strong opponents. The majority resigns themself to the facts and does not believe in “hope against hope”. The minority looks to the Lord for the outcome. From salvation history it is known to us that exactly this group, consisting of two persons, had set out on the correct spiritual path. To hold on to God in prayer, even when the facts show the opposite way, and be blessed!

Then we can think of the story of sick Hezekiah in Isaiah 38, who in God’s name (!!) gets to hear from the prophet Isaiah that his days here on earth are over: “Set your house in order, for you shall die, you shall not recover.” Hezekiah then turns to the Lord, the Almighty One, in prayer, and he gets fifteen more years added to his life. The facts seem to show something different… and it is striking that Hezekiah is most troubled by the unbearable thought that he would not see the LORD, the LORD in the land of the living (v. 11). His prayers are grafted to this.

In the New Testament I think of the story of the woman with the flow of blood in Luke 8:43-48. Sick for twelve years already, having called on many doctors…what could she still reasonably expect? And yet, she came — in all timidity — to the Saviour, and his power went out from him, especially to her!

You will find a very special example in James 5:13-20. “And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick.” To pray fervently has given many people strength, also when others did not see the point of praying anymore. And this (praying fervently) has been blessed many times. Careful reading of this passage makes clear to us that there is more happening than only being ill; also sin and its resulting effects play a role. The “saving of the sick” of verse 15 has the deeper meaning of “being saved of sin”. In this regard, it has been a blessing for many brothers and sisters, also when life came to an end, despite many prayers. The power of prayer, God’s saving grace, with eyes focussed on his kingdom, it all went deeper than external healing!

From these examples it becomes quite clear that there is no reason, holding onto Scripture, to quickly assume that there will be inevitable changes in our lives. The Lord can sometimes unexpectedly give us answers when we did not see a way out and he may be petitioned for that, even when the latest news shows the opposite. It needs not to be argued that this is not only about illnesses or other physical challenges, which may result in death, but it also pertains to other concerns in our personal lives, our marriage life, our psychological well-being etc.

Other, Opposite Data←⤒🔗

Sometimes however, it turns out quite differently in the Bible.

Everyone knows personally or in their pastoral work the questions from Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:7-9. Up to three times Paul prayed to the Lord to take away an illness which bothered him greatly in his labour for the gospel of Jesus Christ (so he even prayed in the way of the kingdom!). And still, after those three times, the Lord showed him a different path: the path of grace which encompasses all of life, also the illness in life, and where our weaknesses become strong. We cannot always keep on praying against the continuing facts. The above words are very succinct; you can read them in seconds. But I want to share with you that processing these words may take a long time. Praying is sometimes, especially when the facts change, just to be quiet…

What has spoken to my heart for a long time is the story of Mark 1:35-39. The Lord Jesus, who had touched and healed many people, early in the morning looked for a quiet place to be alone with his Father. And then the disciples show up in verse 37 and say: Everyone is looking for you. Many people are asking for Jesus, they pray for his coming, as they also look for healing and the uplifting of their bodies. And what is the reaction of the Saviour? “Let us go on to the next towns, that I may preach there also.” The prayers do not bring the Lord closer but take him further away. When you read this at first glance, it shocks you spiritually. But it does say a bit more, namely that Jesus is going there to preach. The kingdom must be preached. And the content of that kingdom reaches further than the healing of the body. It has to touch the heart of our existence: the pollution of our existence due to sin which lives within us, and the way in which the Saviour wants to change and renew this. That is the focus of his work.

Praying in the Framework of the Kingdom←⤒🔗

It may be clear that Holy Scripture does not give us a clear answer to the questions which tie in with this subject. Both elements are highlighted: that of not too quickly resigning yourself to the facts of life, but to be steady in faith and prayer; but also to be content with the limitations of life and to see how also in those limitations God paves a way for us.

It is important in the practice of dealing with the congregation members which the Lord has entrusted to our shepherd care, that where needed, we give spiritual direction. First of all, we may say then that we may pray and have all the time and space to do so. After all, the Lord requests that we pray. And he wants to be a God who listens to prayers, more even than a father here on earth would. That is the teaching of Matthew 7:7-11. The heavenly Father wants to give what is good (which is — according to Luke — the Holy Spirit) to all those who ask him for it. Answers to prayer — by sincere prayer — will always be there. We do not need to doubt that.

And in that framework, all our other wishes and thoughts may also be made known to God. I write: “in that framework”. And I write it like that on purpose. Praying is always praying toward the kingdom. It is not first of all for us or for those whom we pray for (in a pastoral visit) to be getting an answer to the concrete problem, which keeps us occupied. This is extremely important: the second series of prayers in the Lord’s prayer have their legitimate place, but it is behind and after the first series, which deals specifically with which place God occupies in our personal lives and in society. In the spiritual education concerning our prayers it is good to consider this and that we are being corrected by this knowledge.

God’s Guidance in Life←⤒🔗

In that framework, which already is quite the spiritual teaching, we may freely ask many things. And what all comes on our path! Sudden illness which disrupts our life and upsets our family life, sudden death which results in people remaining behind — stunned and orphaned — tensions in a marriage which is causing great practical and spiritual concerns, a difficult matter concerning the church council of a certain congregation, which focusses on the work of the pastor of the congregation…it is not difficult to make the list even longer and longer. And for all these matters, prayer is being offered, sometimes by single people, sometimes by many people.

I do not hesitate to stand up for the earnest and continuing prayers. Was it not Peter, who was freed from jail by the earnest prayer of the congregation (Acts 12:5-8)? I even recently experienced a situation in my own pastoral work where there was a serious threat to a very young life. And how we prayed in the congregation where this unfolded! And how I myself noticed when I lead the services there and was asked to pray for this (and in the pastoral visits), that there were words pouring out of our mouth with which we, in a very probing way, lay the needs before the Lord…And what a blessing for the family and for the congregation when it became clear that our prayers were being heard. We should not think small of the Lord! And not think small either of his loving leading, through adversity and death.

Sometimes God Points to Different Ways…←⤒🔗

At the same time, we should not close our eyes for the fact that sometimes, when questions are heaping up in life, the Lord shows us to go a different way. Our starting point should always be that our prayers (provided they are honest and sincere) will arrive at the Lord and be heard by him. When I say this, it is not just a spiritual “duh” comment. For this subject is much too tender for this. But we cannot deny that sometimes we notice that God wants to travel a different path with us that we would like and that we asked of him in prayer. The Scripture examples mentioned above speak for themselves and those we must also digest spiritually. A familiar saying here sounds like this: “when the Lord closes a door, he opens a window elsewhere”. And this is true. It is part of an open relationship with God that we pay attention to the path he wants to travel with us. His answer to our prayers always plays an important role in this. His way is in the sanctuary. Sometimes we only see after many years why a certain way was needed to bend around and why our prayers needed to change. It all belongs to a sincere relationship with the Lord God that we follow him in this. Sometimes with much (literally and figuratively) pain and sorrows.

Sometimes you do notice, when dealing with people who are struggling with specific issues, that after several weeks or months the content of the home-visit conversation changes and that those changes also affect the content of the prayers. This is how the Holy Spirit himself shows us the way in this, and it is — again — very tender to be able to see this. It enriches the prayers, makes them fuller and it also makes the way God answers our prayers more clear.

Repentance is What I Want…←⤒🔗

One aspect of this I would yet like to highlight. It could be (watch the formulation) that the power of our prayers is hampered due to the fact that something special, something negative is lingering between us and the Lord. Fortunately, this is not always the case. I think of the story from Joshua 7, where Joshua prays to the Lord after the defeat at Ai. God listens to his prayer, but at the same time he gives Joshua a very radical answer to his prayer: sin lies between you and me, and this sin needs to be cleared up first. It is a special focus on what I earlier called the praying “focussed on the kingdom”. In pastoral work there must also be room for this aspect of the processing of our prayers. And as office bearers we need to watch if something like this is playing a role in reality. When you come to a family where there are great tensions between parents and children, and you have picked up signals of child abuse (however that may be), then it may be clear that our prayers — and therefore our conversation — must first take a very specific direction!

Notice Which Answer God Gives You←⤒🔗

The Lord Jesus has taught us that we must pray “in his name”. This gives power to the prayer; we may call upon his strength in our weakness, and we may know that the heavenly Father uses his power when he listens to our prayers. That gives us a lot of peace…

At the same time this causes us to be very careful: we must pray thus (in all weakness) that we can connect the name and the strength of the Saviour to our prayers. That requires purity of our words and thoughts. Also in this the tenderness of this subject surfaces again. In the balance brought about by these two thoughts when praying “in Jesus’ name”, our prayer-life may flourish. And we may live, fully trusting that when we live to God’s honour, we may always shelter with him and we may let ourselves be led by his Spirit, especially in our prayer-life.