Elvis⤒🔗

I know, I know, the title of this article dates me. Some of the older ones among us may go back in our memory banks and recall that Elvis Presley once had a hit song under that title. Now, I am not endorsing Elvis. Indeed, my late father would be appalled if he knew that one of his sons was endorsing anything to do with that man known for his swivelling hips and gyrating pelvis. Nevertheless, I could not help it when my mind went back to this song as I was reflecting on the topic of loneliness.

Dying of...←⤒🔗

Still, that was not the only memory that crept into my mind. There was another from the early days of my ministry in southern Alberta during the 1970s. Every two weeks I would step into my car and drive from Lethbridge to the town of Taber in order to visit church members there. On one occasion I also had to pay a visit to a parishioner in the main senior’s home in town. In the course of doing so, I struck up a conversation with an elderly lady who appeared to be in deep distress. Over time I observed that she was dying. Only it was not of cancer or some other pernicious disease. No, she was dying of loneliness!

You see, her two children had decided that she needed to be under care and in a home. So, they pressured her into making a move. Only, it should be noted that one of these children lived in Vancouver and the other in Montreal. In addition, they rarely called and never visited. Yet they were all that she had in this world. She had no other family, no siblings, no grandchildren, just two far, far away children who seemed to have forgotten that they still had a mother – somewhere in a Prairie town.

And today?←⤒🔗

Sad, right? Distressing, is it not? And yet it is nothing new. Indeed, our world today is fast becoming a lonely place for even more people. If you thought that the 1970s were bad, this new decade, which opened with the COVID crisis, is even worse. Talk to any number of social workers, nurses, doctors, and whoever and you will soon learn that loneliness is an epidemic today. The world is filling up with elderly people who are shrinking and shrivelling due to a lack of love and attention.

For loneliness saps our will to live. It affects us adversely – mentally, social­ly, physically. Lonely people will tell you that they really have nothing to live for. Every new day is filled with the same emptiness. The past may be a source of endless recollection, but the future is filled with darkness and dread. What is there to live for when you have no one to talk to, share with, lean on, look to, or interact with? Little wonder, then, when that old Elvis song is sung with that loaded title, “Are You Lonesome, Tonight?” many nod their tired heads in agreement and whisper under their breath, “Yes, I am.” What a tragedy!

Not part of God’s plan←⤒🔗

At the same time, it also has to be said, “How far away this is from the nature and intentions of our God and heavenly Father.” Holy Scripture reveals in any number of places that our God is a God of fellowship. He has always had fellowship with the Son and with the Holy Spirit. Turn to John 17 and you receive a peek into the marvellous and mysterious communion between the Son and the Father. Read Revelation 22 and you can hear the Son and the Spirit working together and uttering the same invitation – “Come!” Within the three persons of the Triune God, there exists perfect fellowship.

And there is no doubt that it was out of this perspective that God the Father empathized with Adam. Here he was made in the image and likeness of God, but he lacked something. He lacked true companionship. Adam looked to the animals for solace, but they failed to fill the vacuum. He was lonely. God saw it too. He even pronounced his first negative judgment when he said that something was “not good.” The solution? He decided to create Eve – the woman. Yes, and no sooner does Adam set eyes on her, he bursts out with a cry of enthusiasm and relief, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh!” In other words, “God, you have finally gotten it right. Here is what I need to make me whole.”

The need for community←⤒🔗

At bottom the Lord God knew that Adam needed to live in community. He knew then and he knows now that loneliness or solitary confinement is a terrible curse. His creatures are made to live relationally. Why do you think he called Abram out of Ur of the Chaldeans and turned him into a great nation? Why did he go out of his way to liber­ate, rescue, and redeem the people of Israel? Why did he send his Son to gather a new humanity? It was so that he could have fellowship with them, they with him, and they with one another. We can even go out of our way and say that the Lord hates it when people wall themselves off from one another. He despises it when they think only of themselves and forget the One above them, as well as those around them. Why else can the law be summarized into two great callings – the call to love God and the call to love one’s neighbour?

Modern influences←⤒🔗

Still, as we are considering this matter of fellowship, we also need to look further afield and ask, “Why is loneliness such a big plague today?” Naturally, there are many factors that can be cited. Take the matter of modern living. We tend to build our modern homes and apartments in such a way that people are often isolated from one another. Besides occasional meet­ings in the hallway or chatting over the fence after mowing the lawn, there is little or no interaction. We close our front doors and garage doors, hang up our stuff, turn on the television, and snuggle up to Netflix. But since when can movie providers, Internet games, and glamour shows take the place of real face to face human interaction?

Looking inward←⤒🔗

Of course, sometimes we inflict solitude on ourselves. Bullying at school may make us crawl into a shell and shun any semblance of community. Marriage troubles or family tensions may make us too embarrassed to be around other people, much less open up to them. Personal arrogance also plays a role in that some look down their long noses at the rest of humanity and scoff at their inferiority or ignorance.

Hence, it is not out of place for us to take a good hard look at our own style of relating. What do I mean? Well, how about this: Do you invite people over? How often? What do you talk about? Is it perhaps only about you – your life, your experiences, your children, your grand-children? Do you ever turn around and ask, “And how about you and your family? How are you doing?” Do we take a genuine interest in the lives and needs of others? Sadly, so often it’s all about us, and only us. It’s what one might call one-way fellowship.

Should we then be surprised when others detour around us? With such an approach we are setting ourselves up for nothing else than a lonely life. Who wants to be friends with those who show not an inkling of interest in you and are consumed only with themselves?

Looking upward←⤒🔗

So, what is the answer? As believers is it to be found in living our lives more and more in harmony with the will of God? How does God want us to live? How does he want us to deal with our neighbour? The answer can be found in many places in the Bible. Consider for a moment the fruit of the Spirit mentioned in Galatians 5:22-24:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-con­trol ... those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

Notice how each one of these qualities or fruit describe what should be happening in our inter-personal relations. As we socialize with one another, we are to remember and put into practice these virtues. And when we do, we will discover that there will be no lack of fellowship. Qualities such as love, kind­ness, goodness, and gentleness cannot help but make us look to the needs and the burdens of others. Exercising them will get us out of our shells and into the lives of others. Qualities such as joy, peace, patience, faithfulness, and self-control will make us a joy to be with and not a bother or a burden.

In short, pursue these fruits and you will impact the lives of others, and that includes the lonely. They will force you out of your comfort zone and direct you into the lives of others.

Other things←⤒🔗

But while loneliness is best combatted by being Spirit-filled people, other things can also counteract the dread of loneliness. Here are some suggestions: (a) Volunteer – if you have time on your hands and do not know what to do, then seek out different organizations in the community that need your help. One thinks of thrift stores, drivers for cancer patients, mentors for young people, skilled workers (plumbers, electricians, carpenters) offering their services free of charge and enabling the elderly to stay in their homes. The opportunities are endless. (b) Join a care group – more and more of our churches are realizing that in today’s world Bible study groups need to spread their wings and be more than debating clubs. Members of such groups should strive to come alongside one another to encourage, listen, help, and pray for one another. (c) Spend time with loved ones – one would think that this is something that happens automatically, but unfortunately that is not always the case. At times loved ones are too busy even for one another. At other times loved ones have falling outs and thus avoid one another. Frequently too we are so absorbed with our own lives that we forget about others, even those we love most.

A different example←⤒🔗

In a world in which people are literally dying of loneliness, in which people seek an antidote for their loneliness in the bars and discos of society, it behoves the children of God to set a different example. We have been gathered into the church, and what is the church but a community of sinners taken out of this world and seeking to live a new life thanks to the sacrifice of Jesus Christ? In such a community we get to share in the fruit of the Spirit and we are called to share out the fruit of the Spirit. The fellowship will seek out the lonely and the lonely will seek out the fellowship and together they will speak and live out the confession: “I believe the communion of saints.”