The root of self-image. What is it that makes us believe the lie that we need to look or act a certain way or hang out with certain people? At the root of self-image is fear. It is the fear of man: the fear of what people think of us or might say about us. This feeds our self-image and the lie that we need to be controlled by our friends and peers.

So why do we fear other people? The issue goes deeper than looks or friends, though it does impact us in those areas. The issue goes straight to the heart. Edward Welch in his book, When People are Big and God is Small, gives three basic reasons from Scripture why we fear other people:

• We fear people because they can expose and humiliate us.
• We fear people because they can reject, ridicule, or despise us.
• We fear people because they can attack, oppress, or threaten us.

This fear of people impacts young people in a number of areas. Self-image impacts you in several areas. First, we want to consider your outward appearance. Society often dictates to you what types of clothes you must wear through advertisements, TV shows, music, celebrities, and even your friends. There is nothing wrong with wearing clothing that’s in style, but modesty must be the principle to follow and we shouldn’t be slaves to what others dictate. There is a certain fear among young people that they must fit in or else they might “miss the train,” so to speak. Those who don’t have the best clothes will fear those who do, and those who do want to impose it on other people or they don’t count; this is really a fear that others will be different from them and they will lose control.

They want to make others just like them, or they will feel like a failure.

The same goes for how we look. Some people put great faith in beauty and do everything to make themselves look better in order to boost their self-image. This is actually a fear fed by a kind of self-love, seeking to worship self rather than God. Others who don’t feel beautiful can be easily made afraid because they are not like those who set the standard of beauty.

Self-image is also reflected in the friends we choose. In some ways, this still exists among adults. There are special little groups of friends that accept or reject a person based on how they look or act. You want to be friends with those who make you feel good, of course. You naturally choose friends who are like you, or who you want to be like. This is not wrong. People naturally move into friendships with people who share the same interests. But if we let it control us, a deep-seated fear grows within our hearts that we won’t belong to a certain group if we don’t conform to them. Our self-image is telling us that we need these people in order to be happy. If this is your case, be careful; you are falling prey to the fear of man.

The fear of man makes people “big” and makes God “small.” The fear of man makes our hearts selfish. We want to do what makes us feel good, not what God wants us to do. It makes us “big” in our own eyes, and makes God “small” because we don’t want Him to have a say in our lives. Our hearts become hard because we are focused on having our self-image fed by what our friends and the world tell us we should do. Remember, “The fear of man bringeth a snare, but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe” (Prov. 29:25).