The Sanctity of Sex⤒🔗

The pendulum on a grandfather clock swings from one side to the other quickly passing the point of perfect balance. In the same way, the pendulum of morality seems to swing from one extreme to the other in the sphere of sexuality.

When studying the history of the Roman Republic and Empire, I was struck by the lack of morals and restraint regarding sexuality. The lack of morality was equal to or greater than the lack of morality today. Roman society was extremely perverse. At best, a thin, semi-transparent veil covered the realm of sexuality. Nudity and sexuality was openly displayed in artwork, and there was no shame. Athletes competed publicly in complete nudity (our word “gymnasium” comes from the Greek word for nudity – “gumna”). It was socially acceptable for men to commit adultery, though men could easily divorce their wives for doing the same.

The Christian faith had a great effect upon the lands to which it spread. The pendulum moved towards the point of perfect balance. Men saw again the created beauty of sex, and the ugliness of sexual perversion.

The pendulum, however, would not rest in its balanced position. It swung to the other side. Men were infected with the poison of asceticism. Men came to regard the material world as intrinsically evil, and elevated the spiritual. Men felt that they were doing God a great service by renouncing the desires of the body. They ate the simplest food, in the smallest quantities. They lived like hermits in the hills, having given away all their earthly possessions. They wore clothes of the crudest materials. They swore vows of life-long celibacy, and repressed their natural desires for intimate communion with those of the opposite sex. This negative view towards sexuality lingered to some degree even into the twentieth century. Parents were ashamed to speak with their children about sexual intercourse. Children grew up with the idea that sexual intercourse was, if not dirty, then at least tainted. The purity, the sanctity of sexual intercourse did not come to the fore, as it should have.

Now we stand on the threshold of the second millennium. In the world, the pendulum has swung far to the other side again. Man denies his uniqueness as a creature created in God's image, and he exchanges his own glory for that of an animal. Man places himself on the same level as the beasts of the earth. Man regards his sexual desires as an animal instinct, and behaves like an animal, devoid of all morals. Just as animals display their sexual organs without shame, so man throws aside all modesty and happily displays his private parts for any or all to see. Just as the wild beasts copulate without any bond of love or devotion to each other, so men and women throw aside all connotations of life-long self-surrender and commitment to each other. They regard their sexual desires as an itch that needs to be scratched, and it matters little who scratches. Little do they understand that sexual intercourse is only “human” when it is qualified by love and faithful devotion.

As Christians, we must avoid the extremes that characterise the world. We must restore and retain the purity of sexuality. We must see it as God saw it on the day when He created man and woman. For God created them as sexual beings with their sexual organs. He created in them the wholesome desire for sexual intercourse. And God saw what He had created, and He said it was good. With these words God sealed the sanctity of sexual intercourse. It is this declaration of God that should pervade our attitude as Christians. We need to appreciate for ourselves and impart to our children the beauty and holiness of sexuality. We need to be able to read the Songs of Solomon without allegorically interpreting it, and without blushing as we read it. This will only happen if we learn to see sexual intercourse as the “sacrament” of marriage.

The “Sacrament” of Sex←⤒🔗

I take some liberties with the word “sacrament.” I have placed it in inverted commas in order to make the reader understand that it is not literally a sacrament as baptism and Lord's Supper are sacraments. By speaking about sex as the “sacrament” of marriage I want to point out that sexual intercourse serves the same purpose in marriage as baptism and Lord's Supper serve in our faith life. Sexual intercourse is a sign and seal of the promises that husband and wife have made to each other. It is a sign and seal of the love between them. It is a sign and seal of the unity between them.

Some time ago, I wrote about love. Love, I said, is that devotion which prompts someone to give himself totally for the advantage and pleasure of another. Love is surrendering oneself to another.

Love is laying down one's life for the well-being and happiness of another.

Sexual intercourse is a sign and a seal of this love. For in sexual intercourse husband and wife give themselves totally to each other, without reservation. In sexual intercourse, husband and wife surrender themselves completely to each other. In sexual intercourse, husband and wife lay themselves down for each other.

Sexual intercourse is also a sign and seal of the unity of husband and wife. Some time ago I discussed the union between husband and wife. I mentioned that there are two aspects to this union, the legal union and the actual union. The legal union is accomplished, not by signing government documents, but by God Himself. God binds husbands and wives together so that they are one unit, the husband being the head and the wife being the body. Through the working of the Holy Spirit, this legal union leads to actual union between husband and wife in heart, mind and soul. Sexual intercourse serves as a symbol of this unity. Just as God gave physical signs to display spiritual truths in the sacraments, so God gave physical union as a sign to husbands and wives to display the union of heart, mind and soul.

We mentioned earlier that we need to avoid two extremes. We bring this up again in a different but related context. We need to avoid overestimating sex, and we need to avoid underestimating it.

The world has idolised sex. We could compare how the world regards the “sacrament” of sex to how Rome regards the sacraments of the church. Rome placed all the emphasis on the sacraments, as if they contained grace in themselves. One's salvation depended on partaking of the sacraments. This led to externalising one's relationship to God. Instead of faith working through love, one only needed to partake of the sacrament to be saved. In similar fashion, the world has idolised sex. They have placed all the emphasis upon sexual intercourse. One's satisfaction depends on participating in sexual intercourse. This leads to externalising one's relationship to another. Instead of devotion and love, one only needs to partake in sexual intercourse to find satisfaction and pleasure. But the satisfaction and pleasure are very short lived. This turns the idol of sexual intercourse into a demon that drives men and women in relentless pursuit of real satisfaction and lasting pleasure, something which they will never find as long as they regard sexual intercourse as more than just a sign and seal of something far greater.

At the same time, we must avoid underestimating sexual intercourse, just as we must avoid underestimating the value of the sacraments. God has given sexual intercourse as a means of proving one's love and devotion. By use of this “sacrament,” husbands and wives are assured of each other's devotion. The truth of this is evident when a couple no longer partake of this “sacrament.” Let a husband stop touching his wife, and his wife will begin to wonder whether her husband still loves her. Let a wife continually turn her back to her husband and refuse his advances, and the husband will quickly begin to doubt his wife's devotion to him.