It is not easy to be a man. It used to be easier. But matters have become quite com­plicated. Women have not only started to involve themselves with things once con­sidered male prerogatives; they also expect men to get involved with things once con­sidered female chores. As a result, many men are at a loss about their task and iden­tity. There is much confusion about the role of men in our society. It almost makes men self-conscious and insecure. As a re­action many men are pushed to the ex­tremes: they either become overly macho or overly effeminate.

Neither extreme is very desirable for a man. Both the elevated and the sup­pressed expression of manhood do noth­ing to make a man feel good about himself. It is like wearing a suit that does not fit, in the one case it is much too big, in the other it is much too small. Conse­quently a role-confused man will either trip over his own importance, or shrink be­yond recognition. Such an unbalanced situation in one gender will push the other gender out of alignment as well. It is for the benefit of both men and women that the concept of wholesome manhood is ex­plored and re-established.

There are several places to start the exploration. The field of psychology looks very interesting and attractive, but we must leave it alone for now. We could start in the direction of theology, but no, we'll go there later. Let us begin our exploration by going back into history. It is always good to know where we come from. Moreover, a search through history often sheds new light on our language as well.

Intuitively we follow the trail that leads to the Middle-Ages. It was in those days that the foundations for our present society were firmly put in position. Imme­diately it strikes us that the question of manhood was decisively resolved. Everyone knew what could be expected of a man.

In those medieval days a man was courageous and strong. Without fear he was able to go to battle. Physical stamina and endurance were prime proofs of mas­culinity. Still, that was only part of the pic­ture. A man was not only muscular and fearless, he was also loyal and considerate. Both disloyalty to the lord of the land, as well as rudeness to the man next door, were actions worthy of contempt. An honorable man stood out by his courageous acts and polite manners.

The words that describe the ruling classes of yore tell the story. A nobleman was a person born into a group of people with influential political or social status. Yet, the word noble indicates high moral­ity, not political influence. A man who is noble does not show off his ego by excessive displays of macho behavior, but looks out for others without intent of personal gain. The class of knights was referred to as the chivalry. However, chivalrous has not just taken on the neutral meaning of consider­ate but also the much more particular ap­plication of showing courtesy to women. And then there is the gentleman. A gentle­man was a man born into a group of high officials. A 'gens' indicated a tight group of ruling families. However, a gentleman was known more for his high morals and con­siderate manners than for his strength and power. The word gentle has completely lost the original association with a special class and ruling family. We all know what gentle stands for. Gentleness implies care and love, self-control and self-denial.

As interesting as these historical find­ings may be, they are not in any way nor­mative. Still, we started in the field of history for a reason. The Scriptures, which are normative, do not provide all the cul­tural expressions for which the norms al­low. Now that we have established what our cultural heritage is, we can measure it up to the standard.

At this point we must turn to God's Word for direction. Right away the Bible lifts us up to a very lofty level. We observe man from the spiritual perspective. From this vantage point we see clearly that man and woman are created in the image of God, endowed with righteousness and ho­liness. The next thing that comes into fo­cus is the purpose of man's existence. Man is created to the glory of God. He is well-equipped for that goal. Together man and woman are very suitable to fill the earth and subdue it. After the fall into sin man and woman are still expected to live up to the original purpose, but now the burden of the curse weighs them down. Man will have to labor hard in the process of subdu­ing, while woman will encounter great dif­ficulty in her share for filling the earth.

God prepared man for his task. He is the physically stronger. However, a man's value is not restricted to his physical strength. The New Testament sheds a beau­tiful new light on the position of the man. He is not only God's representative in sub­duing the earth, but also in his relation­ship with his wife. A man must love his wife as Christ loves the Church. A man's care for his wife is to be patterned after the self-sacrificing love of his Saviour. In the way a man showers care and affection on his wife, he portrays in a small but eloquent way the unfathomable love that Christ has for his church.

If a man is to be like his Lord in the way he lives with his wife, it is important to have a closer look at Christ's love for his church. This love is complete and loyal. However, we must not overlook that our Savior displayed great endurance in obtaining it. His strength and his care complemented each other. In his human power He would not have been able to pay the price for his bride. His divin­ity upheld Him when He made the pay­ment. Likewise a man needs to be strong to be a good husband. He needs to withstand the power of temptation and be loyal to his wife. He must endure in looking after his wife and children. Like Christ, a husband must display love and care, self-control and self-denial.

There is yet another aspect that is cru­cial to the role of man. As Christ is the head of the Church, so the husband is the head of his wife. A man bears the respon­sibility for his wife and children. Also for that reason he must be strong. A man who takes this responsibility seriously needs strength to practice self-control and self-denial. It can be very tempting to either shirk the burden of headship or to take ad­vantage of it. This accountability for the family's wellbeing includes all aspects of life: spiritual, physical, social and economic.

It might seem that we have digressed from the concept of manhood to the concept of husband. Yet, it was from our spiritual vantage point that we perceived manhood is intimately tied up with being a husband. Masculinity is connected to the task man re­ceived, in contrast to the task woman re­ceived. We can only arrive at a good understanding of manhood in the context of man as created in God's image, which is expressed in male and female together.

With these biblical standards for the po­sition of man we can now test whether the concept of manhood which shaped our so­ciety measures up to the norm. Our inherited ideal of masculinity consists of a strong, fear­less man, who is loyal and good-mannered. Strength and care were to compliment each other. Placing this picture of manhood be­side the perfect image, we discover that the lines point in the same direction. Our in­bred concept of manhood passes the scrutiny of a scriptural examination. When we add the outlook of faith to our historical heritage, we come to a remarkable discovery. A God-fearing gentleman is Christlike; he shows care and love, self-control and self-denial.

Of course not every medieval gen­tleman was God-fearing. And over time our society has lost all fear for God. That is actually the main reason why the concept of manhood has become so befuddled. Without fear for the Lord, the bottom falls out of good traditions sooner or later. But the Christian man can build fearlessly on his cultural heritage. He does not have to be afraid to show either his strength or his gentleness.

A Christian man does not necessar­ily have to take up arms to be strong. Very few men are conscripted to join the army. However, every man must lead his family in the spiritual battle. It takes strength, courage and endurance to prepare the next generation for the relentless attacks of the Evil One.

But a man is only truly strong if he can be gentle as well. This gentle side of the man makes him strong both at home and in church. We will end with two ex­amples of true gentlemen, the one taken from the domestic front, the other from the Scriptures.

Not long ago I had the pleasure of din­ing out with my husband. My ever-curi­ous eyes were drawn to an older couple at the table by the window. They were so ami­ably engaged in their conversation that it took me a while to register that the woman was sitting in a wheelchair. Her hands hung motionless over the sides and stayed in that immobile position when husband and wife closed their eyes for a moment. After they received their meal the man moved his own plate over and pulled his wife's plate closer. He picked up her fork and patiently he fed her, little bite by little bite. By the time he got around to his own meal, his mashed potatoes must have been as cold as custard pudding, but that did not seem to bother him. But my admiration for him peaked when he stood up to take his wife home. Unable to keep his body straight because of his jerking legs, he came to an uncontrolled halt at the wheel­chair. He grabbed the handlebars and uti­lizing them as a walker he struggled his way to the door.

Also the apostle Paul was a gentle man. Not having to provide leadership for a wife, he could spend all his energy for the church of Christ. It was with love in his heart that this staunch defender of the truth wrote,

As apostles in Christ we might have made demands of you; but we were gentle among you, like a nurse taking care of her children.1 Thessalonians 2:6, 7

May God bless his gentlemen.