Who are your friends? Do they have a positive influence in your life? Do they help you in your Christian walk? Or are your friends a hindrance to your spiritual growth?

It’s said that you can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends. Are the choices you make in this regard good choices, or bad? Now, you might be inclined to say, “Who I hang around with is no one’s business but my own.” You might think this, but you’d be wrong. It cer­tainly is God’s business. The Bible makes it clear that God has much to say about who your friends are. For instance, Proverbs 22:24, 25 says,

Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.

Consider also James 4:4 — “Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore who­ever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.” Now, this verse might not be speaking directly about who our individual friends are. But certainly there is a relevant principle here. Can we hon­estly say that having worldly friends and being “a friend of the world” are completely unrelated matters?

What Is Friendship?⤒🔗

Perhaps what we need to do is ask ourselves: what is true friendship all about?

Friendship is a bond of fellowship. We have a relationship with our friends in which we demonstrate mu­tual care and affection.

This bond of friendship involves loy­alty and selflessness. You stand up for your friends. You support them in good times and in bad. You are not just looking out for your own interests, but for theirs. Friendship is not just about doing what you feel is good for you, but it means looking out for the good of your friend.

This bond of friendship involves giv­ing. You give your time. You give your material possessions. You may even give your very life. As Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” Of course, in this regard, you could hardly ask for a better ex­ample of friendship than that of Jesus himself. He gave up his life on our behalf, enduring the pain of hell on the cross as an atoning sacrifice for us.

The bond of friendship also involves the making and keeping of promises. We have a prime Old Testament ex­ample of this in the friendship of David and Jonathan. Just as David was about to flee from Jonathan’s father King Saul, Jonathan said to his dear friend, “Go in peace, because we have sworn both of us in the name of the Lord, saying, ‘The Lord shall be between me and you, and between my offspring and your offspring, for­ever.’” David remembered and kept these promises, even long after Jona­than died.

Again, we can look to the supreme example of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. God in Jesus Christ estab­lished a relationship with us, he chose us to belong to him, and in the very act of choosing us he makes a prom­ise to us. As we read in John 15:14, 15,

No longer do I call you ser­vants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.

Our Bond with Other Believers←⤒🔗

So, we have a bond with our friends, a bond that requires loyalty, giving, and promises. Now ask yourself: who are the people I should have this bond with? Well, there is a group with whom you already share a special bond. The apostle John concludes his third letter by saying, “Peace be to you. The friends greet you. Greet the friends, each by name.” There is a sense in which we can say that our fellow believers are by definition our friends.

Think about it: friends are people with whom we share interests; they are people we have things in common with. Well, who do we have more in common with than fellow believers? What deeper bond can there be than the bond of joint union with Christ?

As someone who likes fishing, you still have more in common with a fellow believer than someone who can’t stand the idea of spending hours holding on to a fishing rod. As someone who likes rugby, you still have more in common with an­other Christian than with someone who has no interest in sports. And you should certainly show more loy­alty to brothers and sisters in the Lord than to your favourite team.

Make No Friendship with a Man Given to Sin←⤒🔗

Does this mean you can never be friends with a non-Christian? Well, consider again Proverbs 22:24, “Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrath­ful man.” It would not be a stretch to apply the principle here to those who are ‘given to’ sin in general, those who are not regenerated by the power of the Holy Spirit and so remain dead in their sins. In other words: unbelievers. We are not to ‘make friendship’ with them.

We are not to ‘go with’ them. We are not to join with them in a man­ner that suggests support and ap­proval, like how a getaway driver ‘goes with’ a bank robber, assisting him in his crime. We are not to fel­lowship with the unbeliever in a way that suggests that the bond between us is deeper than it really is.

Mind you, one might respond to this use of Proverbs 22:24 by pointing out how there are many Christians who are ‘given to anger.’ Can it not be said that this proverb is suggest­ing that we should be careful about being friends with anyone who is given to anger, regardless of whether or not they happen to be a believer?

It’s true, there are many who claim to be believers, but who neverthe­less are ‘given to anger.’ The ques­tion is though, is your anger-inclined friend repentant? If not, then you may have to question your friendship with him. You may even have to ask whether or not such a person is in fact a believer.

You see, the difference between a true believer and an unbeliever is that the believer recognizes his sin for what it is and longs to be free of it. Not just because it would make his relationships with others easier, but because of how his sin is an affront to God. With believers who struggle with this particular sin, or any sin for that matter, our friendship with them requires us to walk alongside them and help them fight against it.

For sure, we need to heed the wis­dom of Proverbs 22:25 — “lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.” We must not allow our­selves to fall into the snare of adopt­ing the angry brother’s sinful pat­tern. And yet, we are still called to walk beside him and help him in his struggle. As we read in Galatians 6:1, 2, “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiri­tual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.” We do this because of the bond that we share in Jesus, a bond we do not have with unbelievers.

How Deep Can Your Bond Be with Unbelievers?←⤒🔗

Having said all of this, we’re not trying to say that we should have nothing to do with the people of the world (see 1 Corinthians 5:9, 10). As those shining the light of Christ in our lives, we should be friendly to those around us, including unbelievers. We should show genuine concern for their well­being. And there will be activities that we can engage in with them. There will even be a certain level of fellow­ship we can experience with them (see 1 Corinthians 10:27).

No doubt we will have relationships with non-Christians. And if a non Christian happens to see you as a friend, you don’t necessarily have to dissuade him of this, saying, “you are not my friend because I could never truly be friends with someone who is not a Christian.”

But at the same time, you have to re­member that your relationship with this person is not as deep as it would be if he were a brother in the Lord. You simply don’t have the same bond with them as you have with fellow be­lievers.

Think about how everything else in life pales in comparison with having a living relationship with your Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. When some­one doesn’t share this with you, how much do you really have in common with him?

The Danger of Friendship with Un­believers←⤒🔗

Perhaps you might argue that having a friendship relationship with a nonbe­liever would be one way you could witness to such a person. You want to be their friend in order to evangel­ize them.

Well, for sure, we do want to make contact and establish relationships with those who do not confess the name of Christ. We want to be a shining light to them. We respect the fact that there is a manner in which they bear the image of God, and so we don’t act rude and hostile toward them. Nor do we want to give the im­pression that we’d rather not have anything to do with them.

But keep in mind the danger of maintaining too close a connection with the unbeliever. There is a sense in which sin is contagious. 1 Corin­thians 15:33 — “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals.’” Proverbs 13:20 — “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Remember the warning God gave to his people as they were about to enter into the land of Canaan.

Take care, lest you make a cove­nant with the inhabitants of the land to which you go, lest it become a snare in your midst ... lest you make a covenant with the inhabitants of the land, and when they whore after their gods and sacrifice to their gods and you are invited, you eat of his sacrifice, and you take of their daughters for your sons, and their daugh­ters whore after their gods and make your sons whore after their gods.Exodus 34:12, 15, 16

The dan­ger of adopting the false gods of pagan friends is no less real today than it was for the people back then.

The psalmist declares in Psalm 119:63 — “I am a companion of all who fear you, of those who keep your precepts.” It’s good to surround ourselves with positive role models who can help us grow spiritually. Having friends who share our faith means having friends who will pray for us. It means being able to dis­cuss core convictions from a shared perspective. It doesn’t mean they will never let you down. But God will never let you down, and he will work in and through your Christian friends to help you grow.