This article looks at the help and care that can be given to those struggling with homosexuality. We need to listen and understand in order to give pastoral care.

Source: Diakonia, 2003. 2 pages.

Caring for Those Struggling With Homosexuality

The issue of homosexuality has become an important issue in our society as the homosexual agenda is being promoted by elements of our society and as our parliamentarians and courts of law are taking up the cause. The agenda is to promote it as an acceptable alternate lifestyle that needs to be given the same status as heterosexuality. Society no longer discerns between right and wrong, but promotes the concept of toleration and acceptance.

The church has rightly taken a stand against the agenda of our society. But the result of taking a stand against homosexuality on the basis of Biblical truth has made the church, in the minds of many, intolerant, small minded and hateful. Speaking out against homosexual­ity has resulted in some very strong and angry rhetoric against the church and against God's people. Much of the angry response of the world is simply a result of the antithesis that exists between the world and the church of God. The world does not want to submit to the will and Word of God and therefore vehe­mently attacks anything that promotes the will of the Lord.

While much of the reaction of the world can be blamed on the antithesis in the world, we must also be aware that many times the reaction of the world is provoked by the language that is used by the people of God. When the church speaks in a self-righteous way about the will of God, we provoke an angry response. When the message comes across that we have the truth and that we are better, then the impression is given that God's people are intolerant and a self righteous people who think themselves better than others.

Therefore the church must speak in a nuanced way in which the church does not convey the message that we are better but that the men of the world understand and feel the genuine care that believers have for sinners. The church needs to take a firm and clear stand on the Biblical standards the Lord has given with regard to homosexuality, but at the same time it must learn to do so in such a way that men hear the heartfelt concern that Christians have for those who are mired in their sinful way of life. The aim of the church is not to condemn men and women, but to call all men and women to seek their life and salvation in Jesus Christ.

Now this attitude is important not only for the way the church communicates with the people in the world, but also with the members of the church itself. If the office bearers and members of the church speak in a condemning manner about sinners in the world, that will affect the way sinners in the church are going to relate to the body of Christ. Those who are caught in sin and who long to free themselves from their sin, will not be able to turn to their own brothers and sisters for the support and help they desire. The shame of their sin and the fear of what will happen if they expose their struggles will result in not knowing where to go with their struggle.

While this is true in general, it is especially true for those in the church who struggle with homosexuality. Those who struggle with homosexuality struggle with much shame and a great fear of what will happen if others in the congregation know about their struggle. In my experience those who have confided their struggles did so only in desperation. They took a chance, hoping not only to find understand­ing, but also to get help with the guilt and shame that they struggle with on a daily basis. There is much confusion about their situation.

On the one hand, they know what the scrip­tures say about homosexuality, on the other, they struggle with the question, "Why did the Lord make me this way or why do I have these feelings that are different from others?"

How do we as office bearers help those who struggle with these conflicting emotions in their lives? The first step is to be open and accessible, so that those in our care learn they can trust us. But that trust is very quickly broken when we are quick to provide solutions without a basic understanding of the struggle that such brothers and sisters are going through. With regard to those who struggle with homosexuality, there are many issues that are difficult to address.

The issue is not whether homosexuality is forbidden by the Lord. Scriptures clearly reveal that God's people cannot accept what the world calls alternate lifestyles. The more difficult questions are, "Is homosexuality the result of a sinful lifestyle, or is it something that a person is born with and struggled with from childhood?" While different sources may give definite answers to such questions, yet the reality is that each person will have a different life story to tell the office bearer. Some have indeed entered into this struggle because of sinful choices, but many others have struggled with it already as children when they had to come to grips with their sexuality. For some it may be the result of sexual abuse and others really do not understand where their feelings have come from. Therefore it is important to listen and understand each individual case. As one listens and understands the unique situation, only then is it possible to begin to help such a brother or sister.

Office bearers must also come to grips with the distinction often made between Homophilia and Homosexuality. Is it permissible for a person to have homosexual feelings without being a practicing homosexual? How we deal with this distinction will determine the way we deal with such brothers and sisters. Do we demand that such a person overcome his feelings because it is sin, or do we accept that it is possible that there will be children of God who must struggle with those feelings for the rest of their lives and that we are simply called to stand beside such a brother or sister to encourage them to be strong in the face of temptation to sin?

It is not my purpose to answer those questions in this editorial. I have simply raised a couple of questions so that we may begin to wrestle with this issue. The article in this issue on homosexuality will give much food for thought and hopefully it will stimulate a fruitful discussion. While many questions may always remain, ultimately our task is to give direction and encouragement to those who struggle under our care. That is only possible by gaining insight into the issues with which the sheep struggle. As we gain insight into their struggles it will become possible to give wise counsel and direction to those who struggle in their relationship with Lord.

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