Nine years ago I started to write this. I always intended to finish it, but dirty diapers, crying babies, mouths to feed and lots of other interruptions convinced me to put it off. Now I believe that by waiting I have gained insight.

We all face difficulties. My experience was not more difficult than another's, but I believe that we can bless each other by sharing our lives and showing God's way of dealing with us.

Nearly 10 years ago, I gave birth to my fifth child, a little boy. We named him Joel. In the delivery room, I was aware that things were a bit unusual. It seemed that the hospital staff was paying a lot more attention to the baby than to me, but I didn't realize what was going on. Later, my doctor asked me if I knew what “Down's syndrome” was. He told us that he thought that our baby was a “Down's baby”. Of course I was disappointed, but I remembered my retarded aunt and the blessing that she had been. I immediately replied that this was God's will and we could accept that.

However, the next day Joel was admitted to intensive care.

The days and weeks that followed were difficult. Joel was transferred to several different hospitals for a variety of tests. Finally it was determined that he should have heart surgery. He lived through the surgery, but soon other problems were discovered. One day the doctor said that they could do nothing more for the baby. He suggested that I learn to take care of Joel and bring him home to be a part of our family for as long as he would live.

I learned to take care of Joel, and soon we brought him home. He lived for two months. During those months and the years that followed, we were to learn many valuable lessons. The following are some of the things that God impressed on us.

We must never underestimate the importance of knowing God's Word and of hiding it in our hearts. I can't forget the day when I walked out of the doctor's office after I was told that Joel would not live. The words of Isaiah 55:9 came to me clearly,

As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways…

This passage, as well as many others, came to me often as I faced things that were "too big" for me.

This experience helped my husband and me to see the church in a new way. We had never needed others as we did then. The words of comfort that were spoken to us were most welcome and helpful. One mature Christian woman even bawled me out when I told her I wasn't sure if I could take care of the baby. She assured me that Christians can handle these kinds of things. It was what I needed to hear.

Christians, not only in our church, but also in other churches, were praying for us. (We appreciated our denomination so much!) We became thankful in a new way for the church.

This experience made me appreciate and love my husband and family in a richer way. When the days were difficult and seemed impossible to face, my husband had a better perspective. He could actually thank God for Joel. (It took a long time for me to be thankful.) My husband's family and my family (both Christian families) were a great source of comfort to us. We were all brought closer because of Joel.

Later on, God gave us another baby. You can imagine the joy of our family when we were told that she was healthy. I will always be thankful for healthy children.

After Joel died, the bills poured in. Our insurance helped some, but only covered a quarter of Joel's expenses. I thought it was hard enough to lose my baby. Now we were faced with bills that could keep us in debt for many years. Little did we understand the riches of our heavenly Father. God took care of our bills, and he used these debts to bring comfort to us. One woman who had been through some difficult experiences gave us a generous gift that I know was a hardship for her. A church outside of our denomination gave us a large gift from their deacons' fund; we still don't know how they knew about us. Other individuals across our denomination, including children, sent money to help us. God taught us important lessons in love and caring. We established deep friendships that are dear to us now.

As I look back, I can see God's hand more clearly. As a family, we can see how God has given us words to say that we probably could not have said had we not been through these things.

Now I understand that God gave us Joel so that we could know and serve Him better.