God's seventh commandment states, "Thou shalt not commit adultery" (Exodus 20:14). The precise definition of "adul­tery" is "voluntary sexual intercourse by a married person with one who is not his or her spouse." As with each commandment, the strongest terms are used, but all sexual impurity and that which promotes or leads to it is forbidden by this com­mandment. Chastity and purity of life is required. God is a pure and holy Being. He hates all impurity and uncleanness. Man was created to reflect God's image, to love purity, and to hate uncleanness.

Human sexuality and marriage are gifts and institutions of God. This truth is confirmed in the first chapters of Genesis, as shown in the chart to the right.

The Bible clearly establishes in its opening chapters and recon­firms throughout both testaments that sexuality within marriage is not something that is wrong, dirty, or shameful; but rather it is a God-created and God-given gift. It is a precious blessing given by God before sin even entered this world.

HUMAN SEXUALITY AND MARRIAGE ARE GIFTS FROM GOD
Principle	Text from the Creational Chapters
God created us male and female	So God created man in His own image, in the image of God created He him; male and female created He them. Genesis 1:27
God personally brought Eve to Adam to be his wife	And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made He a woman, and brought her unto the man.    Genesis 2:22
God stated that these two shall be one flesh; living in a loving, unashamed openness with each other	Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.            Genesis 2:24-25
God commanded them to be fruitful and to multiply	And God blessed them, and God said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it. Genesis 1:28a

In Paradise, God established three precious human institutions. After man's fall into sin, these principles of human life remain as precious gifts from God. Each of the three blessings, however, have been distorted and corrupted by sinful man. God's institutions, their respective desires, and corresponding corruptions are summarized in the following chart.

GOD'S THREE PRECIOUS PARADISE INSTITUTIONS: THEIR REMAINING BLESSINGS AND CORRUPTIONS
God-given Institution	Remaining Blessing	Man's Sinful Corruption
Worship (Genesis 1:27a; 2:3; 2:16-17; 3:8)	Desire to worship; to be devoted to someone or something	Distorted to self-centered worship; to honor, serve and please self
Work (Genesis 2:15, 19)	Desire to accomplish things	Distorted to self-centered accomplishments; to serve self rather than God and others
Sexuality and marriage (Genesis 1:27b; 2:18, 21-25)	Marital and sexual desires	Distorted to self-centered motives to please self; to use others for one's own pleasure; to remove sexuality from the loving and stable bonds of marriage in which God placed it

As with all God's gifts, fallen man also misuses and corrupts God's precious blessing of human sexuality and marriage.

The sinful distortions which God forbids in the seventh commandment include all forms of non-marital sex (premarital, extra-marital, or homosexual) and all that promotes sinful, sexual lusting in thought, word, or action. Present-day examples include vulgar talking or joking; provocative stories or pictures; pornography; immodest dress; and modern television, theater, music, and dancing. Due to their promotion and prevalence in our society, it is necessary to briefly examine each of these sinful abuses in turn.

God condemns all forms of non-marital sex both very clearly and very strongly in His Word. The following texts provide several examples of this truth.

Premarital and extra-marital sex (including rape and incest)⤒🔗

And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.
And the man that lieth with his father's wife hath uncovered his father's nakedness: both of them shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
And if a man lie with his daughter-in-law, both of them shall surely be put to death: they have wrought confusion; their blood shall be upon them. Leviticus 20:10-12

if a man be found lying with a woman married to a husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel. Deuteronomy 22:22

Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these: Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness. Galatians 5:19

Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body.
Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of a harlot? God forbid.
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. 1 Corinthians 6:13, 15, 18

But that we write unto them, they abstain from pollutions of idols, and from fornication, and from things strangled, and from blood. Acts 15:20

But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints. Ephesians 5:3

Homosexuality (both male and female)←⤒🔗

Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind; it is abomination. Leviticus 18:22

If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. Leviticus 20:13

Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:
For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.
Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them. Romans 1:24, 26-27, 32

Beastiality←⤒🔗

Whosoever lieth with a beast shall surely be put to death. Exodus 22:19

Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion. Leviticus 18:23

God also clearly forbids all sinful, sexual lusting and that which promotes illicit sexual activity, as exemplified below:

Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. Matthew 5:27-28

Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry. Colossians 3:5

The following are ten reasons why all teens and adults must avoid premarital sex; ten answers to the question, "Why wait?"

Why Wait? – Ten Reasons for Avoiding Premarital Sex←⤒🔗

1. It breaks God's command – God has wisely and lovingly placed sexual expression within the special, lifelong, secure bond of marriage. Premarital sex misses the purity, exclusiveness, and permanence God intended sexuality in marriage to represent.
2. It is sinning against one's own body – God loves purity and our bodies should be valued temples of God.
3. True loves denies self and seeks the best for the one loved – Love does not seek to harm or lead the other into sin; in this context, "no" is truly a "love" word!
4. There is only one "first time" – The best of fruits can be spoiled by being taken before it is ripe.
5. It takes place in a mixed atmosphere – The physical pleasures are tempered and plagued by fears.
   1. Personal fear: pangs of conscience
   2. Fear of others: being discovered or breach of secrecy
   3. Fear of possible consequences: unwanted pregnancy
6. Emotional stress is increased – Guilt, tension, and undue pressures regarding breaking up are increased.
7. The lowering of self-control, self-esteem, and personal in­tegrity – Waiting builds trust, respect, and an atmosphere which encourages the development of true love. Premarital sex can rapidly become habitual resulting in a sex-dominated rather than a true love-developing relationship, causing increasing tension, disrespect, and depression.
8. A lifelong, vivid remembrance will be retained – If the couple remains together, lifelong disappointment and sor­row will blot out the joy of their memories. If the couple separates, lifelong painful memories and jealousies will be retained.
9. The couple's special wedding joys are marred – If preg­nancy results, then as a public sin, public confession of guilt must take place. If pregnancy does not occur, a private sense of guilt (an accusing conscience) mars the special joy of the day.
10. The risk of damaged parental and family relationships is increased – If pregnancy results, a family crisis is generated; if pregnancy does not occur, a lifelong hypocritical secrecy is frequently maintained to prevent family problems.

The following examples illustrate the truth of some of the previous ten reasons for avoiding premarital sex.

When she was seventeen, Linda had dated Russ, who was three years older, a few times. She really liked him and didn't want to lose him.

One Friday night, he talked her into going to a party at a "friend's" place. His friend's parents were away for the weekend and some guys had brought several cases of beer. Linda felt uncomfortable with the loud music, drinking, and joking. She asked Russ once if they could leave, but he became quite angry with her for suggesting that, so she didn't dare ask again.

Everyone was drinking, also Russ. Linda didn't want to, but she didn't want to embarrass Russ or stand out as being different, and so she had a few beers too. One thing led to another, and finally she ended up having sex with Russ in one of the bedrooms there that night.

Russ seemed to lose interest in her after that and her attraction to him also seemed to disappear. At first, she was very worried, but then thankful that she did not become pregnant.

A few years later, she met Chris. Their dating years together were wonderful and she happily married him when she was twenty-one.

Their marriage was blessed in many ways; they deeply loved one another.

However, after being married for several years, Linda came to speak to her minister. Between tears and sobs, she poured out her broken heart to him. "I love my husband dearly and I want to enjoy myself with him so badly. But so often, just at the special times when I want to most enjoy our closeness, my mind is filled with my first sexual exper­ience. I clearly see Russ! I relive the fears and feelings of that 'first time' – the pangs of conscience, the fear that someone would open the door, the fear that my parents would find out, the fear that I would become pregnant, the feeling of guilt, of being used, and of degrading myself. These feelings overwhelm me and I have to cry. I can't help it! Chris is so loving; he gently asks me what's wrong. But I can't tell him! He would be so deeply hurt. Oh, Reverend, what can I do? What can I do?"

The true meaning of "love" needs to be distinguished from common, false uses of this term today. True love centers in the other person, the one that is loved, not in self. It desires that which is best for the other. It delights to self-sacrifice for the other. It reassures the other. It would rather endure personal suffering than have the other suffer. It testifies of deep commitment to the other person. True love loves the other's personhood, who he or she is – mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It is much deeper, nobler, and more authentic than only physical attraction or romantic ex­citement. It loves to give, not to get. It loves to love.

This beautiful, rich, and true biblical view of human love is contradicted by two shallow and false worldly views regarding love today – "infatuation" and "lust."

Infatuation is shallow and self-centered. It "loves" the feel­ing of romantic excitement in having a boyfriend or girlfriend. It "loves" the status and security which the relationship provides among peers. The following example illustrates in­fatuation. Notice that the person's "love" is self-centered, and the other person is only an object which is used to pro­vide a certain degree of self-pleasing excitement and status.

Karl's high school graduation was approaching. He knew that almost everyone would be bringing a date to the dinner evening. He pictured the evening in his mind and wanted a date that would impress his friends. Suddenly he thought of Nancy and asked her.

That evening, he liked the feeling of excitement of having Nancy riding with him in his car and of walking into the hall with her.

Did Karl think and care about Nancy as a person? Was there love for her in his feelings? Why not?

Lust is also shallow and self-centered. It "loves" the other person physically – it desires the other in a lustful, sexual way. There is no true "love" in lust. It will use (rather, "misuse") the other person to satisfy its own desires.

Vince had dated Alice three times, and tonight they were going out for their fourth date. Alice liked him, but his insistence on "going parking" and his pushing of physical intimacy bothered her. She had to stop him more than once. She thought he really liked her, yet she was worried about what might happen if they grew to love one another.

Vince was also thinking about his date with Alice. His thoughts, however, centered on how to get through the first part of the evening quickly to have more time for "parking." Had Alice realized this or had she been aware of his bragging (and exaggerating) when sharing with the other guys at school about "how far he got," she would have dropped him immediately.

Did Vince care about Alice at all – her personhood, welfare, and reputation? How are lust and love

Lust and infatuation arise from opposite motivations of "true love." Modern society promotes the first two; God's Word teaches the last. The contrast is pictured in the charts below. Why is the biblical view of love far deeper, richer, nobler, and more authentic?

Two Opposing Views of Human Love←⤒🔗

←⤒🔗

Dating Guidelines←⤒🔗

To guard against various possible dating dangers and to promote successful dating relationships, the following practical guidelines are helpful:

1. Consider whom you date – Never agree to date a person who clearly differs from you in core values of religion or morals. To form a dating friendship with one known to dif­fer in heartfelt matters is dangerous for the following reasons:

1. Friendship is mutually influencing – Forming any close friendship with a person holding non-Christian values will exert influence upon you; this will be especially true with a dating friendship.
2. Dating is the first step in a process which can lead to mar­riage – If the first date with a person would go very well, a case of “emotional color-blindness” could begin. “Emotional color-blindness” refers to the truth that our emotions (and those whom we are emotionally excited about, desire, or attached to) often “color,” distort, and outweigh our capability of making clear and intelligent judgments.

2. Plan your dates – Plan an evening of activities which you can enjoy together and remember with pleasure – with the brightness of a clear conscience, not with the darkness of guilty feelings. Going out with “nothing to do” is asking for problems. Idleness and temptation are “very close friends”; the one often introduces the other.

If you continue to date someone, plan a wide variety of activities. This will help you learn more about the person you are dating by seeing him or her in different situations. Possibilities include the following, and many more:

1. Church and Christian school-related activities – youth group discussion meetings, choir evenings, school open houses, dinner evenings, young people's activities, youth conferences, etc.
2. Home and family activities – helping together with household chores, waxing the car, doing something spe­cial for parents' birthdays, birthday gatherings, visiting relatives, family picnics, cooking dinner, reading a book together, etc.
3. Nature and community events – hiking, canoeing, cross-country skiing, tobogganing, fishing, sailing, ice skating, bike riding, tennis, frisbee, jogging, kite flying, shopping; or visiting a museum, zoo, gardens, planetarium, park, mall, different city, new restaurant, tourist exhibit, scenic area, etc.

3. Set moral standards – As you date more frequently, talk about your moral standards. Agree to try to help each other to avoid those physical expressions of intimacy which could lead to premarital sex. Agreement of this nature ahead of time will make it easier to say "no" or to not move beyond certain levels of intimacy later. A mutual understanding provides more confidence to stop the other in a tempting situation than an unspoken uncertainty about these matters.
4. Pace your relationship – Be realistic and careful. Many well-intending and morally sound couples have made shipwreck on this point. Had someone told them, when first dating, that they would end in the problems of premarital sex or forced marriage, they would have said, "No, not us!" Yet, it happens – often through a lack of a proper pacing of their dating relationship.

Very few couples plunge from no physical contact to premarital sex in one great dive. A vast majority move step by step in expression of physical intimacy.

Be realistic. As love grows, the desire for greater physical intimacy also grows – even without love, it will! When one step is taken by the couple, the excitement and appeal will center upon the next step. When the opportunity and mood are present, the couple will quite quickly move to the same depth of intimacy expression they reached previously. Therefore, the need for constant pacing is a realistic need in the lives of all dating couples. Without proper pacing, the couple's dating time will end in a physically-dominated relationship with its problems, tensions, and guilt.

Both dating partners are responsible for the healthy pacing of their dating friendship. Some young men act as if the fol­lowing thought were true: "This is my girlfriend's responsi­bility; she should tell me when I'm going too far." Such thinking is selfish, not loving. It attempts to escape his share of the responsibility by throwing all the weight upon his girlfriend. This is the opposite of true love. To continually be forced to stem her boyfriend's advances, especially if he becomes upset with her, is a difficult emotional burden. The loving and caring boyfriend wants to relieve and not in­crease his girlfriend's burdens.

5. Avoid all deliberate temptation – Avoid immodest dress or actions. Do not attend places or groups where you know alcohol and moral looseness will be present. Do not place yourselves in strongly-tempting situations. A girl asking her boyfriend to come over for the evening because no one else will be home is acting foolishly and dangerously. Those who play with fire generally get burned.
6. Prayerfully study the principles of God's Word – Read the scriptural teachings regarding premarital and marital relationships and biblically-based books which deal with this subject. Read fitting books together at appropriate times as your relationship develops from a dating relation­ship to engagement to marriage. Pray for God's blessing and guidance upon your relationship–pray both person­ally and together.
7. Examine whether you are meant for one another – If the dating relationship progresses smoothly, soon steady dating, engagement, and marriage will follow. To determine if your marriage to this person is in God's favor, the following scripturally based questions may be asked:

1. Do you share religious convictions? – Do you agree on heartfelt matters, such as basing decisions on scriptural principles, family devotions, prayer, the purpose of life, core beliefs, etc.? Do you pray together?
2. Do you agree on most things you do and talk about together? – Is the bulk of your relationship built upon agreement? How do you handle disagreements? Do you find a growing together rather than apart as your relationship continues?
3. Do you share a mutual love and esteem? – Do you love each other with your faults? Do you both self-sacrifice for the good of the other? Do you value the thoughts and feelings of each other? Do you deeply respect and trust each other? Is this the person you would like as the father or mother of your child?
4. Do you communicate well? – Do you enjoy spending time just talking about things together? Do you feel com­fortable sharing your deepest feelings with him or her? Do you talk about a wide variety of subjects, such as fears, frustrations, desires, joys, lifestyle, career, family, money and time use, religion, love, decision-making, marriage roles, etc.?
5. Do you find in each other the scriptural criteria for hus­bands and wives, as listed in the following texts? For hus­bands – Gen. 2:24; Dt. 24:5; Prov. 5:18; 1 Cor. 7:3, 1 Pet. 3:7; Eph. 5:23,25; 1 Tim. 5:8? For wives – Gen. 2:18; Prov. 12:4; 19:13b; 31:11-12, 26-27; 1 Cor. 7:4; Eph. 5:22-23; 1 Pet. 3:3-4?

The following examples illustrate various truths from the seven previous dating guidelines.

Ellen received a phone call from a young man she met in one of her college classes. He asked her to go out to dinner with him to celebrate his birthday, as he was an out-of-town student and had no family locally.

Ellen's parents advised her not to go. "Ellen, you do not even know anything about his background," her mother warned.

Ellen became disgusted with her parents. "I'm not going to marry him, I'm only going to dinner with him to help him celebrate his birthday!" she retorted. "Can't you trust me?" Disgustedly, she went to her room. "Why do they always have to worry so much?" she com­plained to herself.

Despite her parents' advice, she joined Randy for his birthday. They went to a beautiful restaurant, had a candlelight dinner, and a wonder­ful evening of conversation. Randy treated her with such esteem and handled himself so admirably that she really enjoyed the evening with him, and was sorry when it came to a close.

A few days later, Randy saw her with some friends in the college cafeteria and came over to talk to her. When he left, her friends commented on what a neat and attractive guy he was. Ellen could not help agreeing!

The following week, they met again and Randy asked her to go with him on Saturday. He had to collect certain tidal pool specimens for his Biology class. They could spend the afternoon by the ocean. It would be really neat! The park there was beautiful and so were the waves.

Ellen did not know what to say. His request caught her by surprise. He was so excited about going and so expectant that she would be too! She decided to go, but to use this opportunity to explain that she could not form a dating relationship with him because he was not from any church background.

Ellen had a great time with Randy at the ocean. He was so neat, polite, and had an excellent sense of humor. However, she had to speak with him about their religion problem. Finally, she forced herself to do it. But he explained to her very simply that he definitely would not want to interfere with her religious convictions. In fact, he respected seriously religious people who were true to their convictions. He therefore could assure her that this would not pose a problem, as far as he was concerned. He even agreed to attend church with her if she desired!

"Let's climb those rocks!" he then said, and taking her hand, he led the way. Ellen was shocked to feel such excitement as they climbed hand in hand. After sitting together for a while on the highest point overlooking the bay and enjoying the cool breeze, she found that she really liked it when he put his arm around her. She rested her head on his shoulder.

Ellen's parents tried to dissuade her, but emotionally, she was excited about Randy. Dating led to engagement, and engagement to marriage. During this time, things had gone well, Ellen thought. He even came to church with her once a Sunday – well, most Sundays, and when he did not, he always had a good excuse. Of course, they could not pray together or talk about spiritual things, but she hoped that would come later – after they were married for a few years. He had promised that he would try in the future. At different times, she had doubts, but then Randy would win her over with his tenderness and sincerity.

After marriage, however, his church attendance slackened. He just could not understand such a lengthy sermon, he said. Later he began to dislike her going to church twice on Sunday. "Why do I have to stay home alone every Sunday?" he asked. "You get to go to church every Sunday like you want. Why can't you miss once a month and go hiking like I want?"

After their first child was born and growing up, problems really set in. Ellen wanted family Bible-reading and prayer at the table. She could not endure the thought of her child growing up without family devo­tions at the table. Randy objected, but Ellen insisted. Randy then left the table when Ellen read and prayed. Serious arguments took place regarding the costs for Christian education which was rapidly ap­proaching, language usage, and a host of other lifestyle questions.

But Ellen's heart broke when her three-year-old said before Bible-reading, "Mom, I'm going in the other room with Daddy. I don't like to pray and read the Bible." When she heard her husband snicker, her broken heart poured forth in sobs which she could not control.

Randy finally decided that they could no longer live together if she was going to be so stubborn about her religion. He gave her the choice of either him or her religion. She pleaded with him to stay, but she could not give up her religion. So he left her heartbroken at twenty-five years of age. A court battle for custody of their child followed. Emo­tionally, Ellen would not have made it through all of the stress and problems, but the Lord and her family faithfully supported her.

Ellen's story is repeated in various forms in hundreds of marriages. In every case the persons in their dating years claimed with sincere assurance, "With us it will be different!" God, however, states, "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers" (2 Corinthians 6:14a).

Which dating principles does this story clearly illustrate?

Scriptural Guidelines for Dress and Appearance←⤒🔗

Not only are all types of sinful reading materials forbidden by God's seventh commandment, but also all talking, joking, body movements, or any other action by which immorality in thought, desire, or action is promoted. This includes immodest dress. God commands us to always dress modestly when in the presence of others. To not do so is sinful and will create temptation for others to sin also.

The Word of God teaches six principles regarding our dress and appearance as shown in the following chart.

We are not to take away, nor add to God's Word in this matter; we must not permit that which God condemns, but we must also not condemn that which God permits.

Principle Required	Example Text
A proper perspective of personhood – inward beauty is more important than outward beauty of appearance	Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. 1 Peter 3:3-4
The avoidance of undue anxiety regarding dress and appearance	And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which today is and tomorrow is cast into the oven, shall He not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? Matthew 6:28-30
Due care and respect for physical cleanliness and neatness	Let thy garments be always white; and let thy head lack no ointment. Ecclesiastes 9:8 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry: her clothing is silk and purple. Proverbs 31:21-22
Modesty of dress – the avoidance of dressing in a manner to purposely impress others	In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with braided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array. 1 Timothy 2:9
Dressing fittingly for the occasion	But every woman shall borrow of her neighbour, and of her that sojourneth in her house, jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment: and ye shall put them upon your sons, and upon your daughters; and ye shall spoil the Egyptians. Exodus 3:22
Distinctiveness between male and female dress and appearance	And when the people heard these evil tidings, they mourned: and no man did put on him his ornaments. Exodus 33:4 The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God. Deuteronomy 22:5

Possibly someone who has read these articles on the seventh commandment is despairing. He or she has gone too far. Immodesty of dress, wrong types of entertainment, forbidden activity and/or other matters have been sinfully engaged in. These matters can­not be redone and a guilty, polluted, disappointed and depressing feeling is left. To such, the Word of God gives hope. In Jesus Christ, all sins may be forgiven, all types of sinners may be washed clean. There is a new beginning possible in Him for the greatest of sinners. Jesus forgave the woman who was caught in the very act of adultery.

He condemned her sin but not her person or future life. He said, "Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more" (John 8:11).

Dear teens and young people: Are you praying "lead us not into temptation" and striving to walk accordingly? May God grant us grace to walk circum­spectly in all matters that relate to the seventh commandment.