This article is a sermon on Proverbs 31:10, about what makes a woman a good wife and mother.

6 pages.

Proverbs 31:10 – The Scriptural Wisdom on What Makes a Woman a Good Wife and Mother

LITURGY🔗

Singing:
Ps. 100:1,2,3,4
Ps. 111:3,5
Ps. 128:1,2,3
Ps. 113:1,3
Hy. 65:1,3🔗

Reading:
Proverbs 31:10-31🔗

Beloved brothers and sisters in our Lord Jesus Christ,

What makes a woman a good wife and mother? It would be ridiculous to think that getting married makes a woman a good wife and giving birth automatically makes her a good mother. It would be like saying that having a barn makes you a good farmer or owning a car makes you a good driver.

The Bible spells out that the primary role of a mother is to nurture and educate her children. In this way she is used by God to further his kingdom and build his church. Yet many mothers do not see that as their first task. In the last decades more women have entered the workforce than ever before. The pursuit of a career is deemed much more fulfilling. Children, from infancy, are forced to adjust to the schedule dictated by a career.

Of course we realize a woman may not be fulfilling her motherly duties even if she stays home. She can easily let the television, DVD or computer babysit her children while she goes about her own activities.

A mother has a beautiful and rewarding task, but it is not an easy one. The daily routines of that assignment can wear her down. On Monday morning a mound of wash greets her. Saturdays are often spent getting everything and everybody neat and tidy for the Lord's Day. On the days between, she is kept busy preparing meals, doing dishes, changing diapers, shopping, cleaning, answering questions, solving problems, resolving conflicts, lending her ear to a frustrated husband or teenager, bandaging injuries etc. In many ways a mother is the stability of a family and her behaviour influences the atmosphere and mood of the home. The family is made acutely aware of this when Mom gets sick or is away from home! Both her husband and children will feel somewhat lost and may even be irritated by it!

Indeed, there is a tremendous amount of work to being a good wife and mother, more than most women realize before they marry; certainly more than most husbands realize. Many husbands are quick to question: "So what have you been so busy with all day?" but slow in giving praise; Proverbs 31 incites us to change that around and praise the glorious, God-given task of mothers. Our theme is:

The Scriptural Wisdom on What Makes a Woman a Good Wife and Mother.🔗

Such a Woman:🔗

  1. Does what God Wants in View of her Created Position
  2. Is More Precious than a Jewel in View of her Redemption

The author of this proverb asks, "A wife of noble character who can find?" We can phrase that more literally: "A woman of noble character, who can find?" He is not only concerned about finding a good wife but a woman who is also a good mother. This question is not raised out of desperation – as if good women are a rare breed and hard to find. The author is not a single man climbing the walls in search of the right woman. Nor is he a frustrated man who has lost confidence in his own wife.

We are to read the words of our text within the framework of the entire book. Proverbs passes on to us practical wisdom and insight about how we must live in the covenant and church as children of God. It is a book of instruction with the purpose of making people wise in the ways of the LORD. Wisdom in the covenant is to know the purpose and goal of your work, marriage, leisure time, and retirement.

Men and women who are truly wise set standards and goals for living together. Rather than being impressed with women of questionable repute, husbands should rejoice and be happy with their wives. They must let their wives' affection fill them with delight. Thus a father instructs his son in chapter 5, "Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well… May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.  A lovely doe, a graceful deer" (5:15,18,19). This advice is given repeatedly throughout the book.

Midway through the book of Proverbs, the author speaks about the "stuff" good husbands and fathers are made of, introducing his point by asking, "Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?" And then, saving as it were the best for last, he concludes this Bible book by asking, "A wife of noble character who can find?”

Beloved, this question is asked within the context of the covenant, by a man who knows such a woman will be found among the people of the Lord. Thus the writer responds to his own question. His answer is embroidered into a beautiful and wonderful masterpiece. What makes a woman a good wife and mother? Well, here's her portrait! Look at her for yourself!

Following the 22 letters of the Hebrew alphabet, the verses 10 through 31 form an acrostic. The first word in verse 10 begins with the letter a, the first word in verse 11 begins with b, all the way to the end of the Hebrew alphabet. Each verse contributes to the whole, weaving a splendid picture of a good wife and mother.

Now we must be careful that we do not paint a portrait other than the one given to us in our text. For example, we may not look at this woman through the glasses of modern thinking. She is not a feminist or a member of the modern career movement born before her time. It's not fair to drag her in to advocate mothers working outside the home. She is not a freewheeling female, following her own pursuits, having emancipated herself from her husband's authority and leadership.

The book of Proverbs describes this woman's activities in some detail. For in answering his own question the author wants it understood that a good wife does what the Lord asks of her. The verses 13-27 are not simply a summary of how busy this woman is, but they show how in everything she does, and in the way she runs her household, she seeks not the harm but the good of her husband and family. "She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life." (verse 12)

As a good wife and mother she "selects wool and flax and works with eager hands." (verse 13) In care and love for her husband and children she makes sure they are clothed properly. Her goal is not to have them wear designer clothes but to have them dressed appropriately for the season (verse 21), and in a manner pleasing to God. Moreover, she herself dresses tastefully and respectably, in character with her dignified position as a woman who fears the Lord. Notice how verse 22 says, “She is clothed in fine linen and purple.” This woman makes clothing to cover herself, not to expose parts of her body in an enticing manner. She dresses well but modestly.

Furthermore, the author compares the woman to the ships of the merchants which bring food from afar. “She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.”  (verse 15) Like the merchants, she has surveyed her neighbourhood for food offerings of quality and value, and like the merchant ships she carries them home. She makes sure her family eats well, whether that be the produce of her own garden, or what she has picked up at the farmer's market and grocery store.

The woman of Proverbs 31 does not do every stitch of house work herself. She hires others to do certain tasks for her so that she may dedicate more time to the well-being of the family. This woman works hard to promote her family's good but that is not the extent of it. As a woman of faith she knows her place within the communion of saints, seeking the well-being of others too. "She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy." (verse 20) Perhaps she hired the maidens so that she could devote attention to the poor and needy.

Furthermore, as a good wife, she manages finances well. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. Her money is put to good use because she believes this is what the Lord asks of her; she is not making money for "personal fulfilment".

Finally, the woman is described as being clothed with strength and dignity. She speaks “with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue” which means, that she is well versed in the scriptures. Obviously her husband and children are pleased with her performance: “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.’” (verses 28,29)

Beloved, must every Christian mother match the description of this woman? Women frequently compare themselves to other mothers and feel incompetent. They feel they are not doing enough for their husbands and children and live with guilt when things go wrong in the family. And lo and behold, to add to the pressure, along comes the woman of Proverbs 31. Look at her! What a super mom! Doesn't it just make you sick when you read how well she performs? Doesn't she just make you green with envy? The woman is so talented and capable! Maybe you even find her portrait unrealistic and idealistic.

Let it be clear, this good wife is not a role model. Not every woman is placed in the same circumstances. Women find themselves in different cultures, financial positions etc. The manner in which a wife and mother fulfils her task is conditioned and shaped to a certain extent by the position of her husband (verse 23). Even within Israel, not all women were in the same social environment. But the important quality of the woman in Proverbs 31 is that she knows her position and task as a mother in Israel. She's a woman who fears the Lord. For the climax to the entire passage is verse 30: “Charm is deceptive, and beauty if fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” The Lord receives top priority. Her relation with her family is defined by her relationship with the Lord.

Who are good wives and mothers according to the Word of God? Those whose life is a song in praise of their Maker; women who know why they have been created the way they are and want to serve the Lord in that position. The Bible cites many examples of good and righteous women who, in their own environment and circumstances, revere and honour the Lord. For instance, did you know that in the Hebrew Bible the book of Ruth follows Proverbs? Ruth is recognized as a woman who honours and worships the Lord. Thus Boaz says to her "And now, my daughter, don’t be afraid. I will do for you all that you ask.  All my fellow townsmen know that you are a woman of noble character." (Ruth 3:11)

"A wife of noble character who can find?" The answer is not in imitating the woman of Proverbs 31 in her actions but in her attitude and goals. Blessed is the church where women fear the Lord; where women show that they love God in the fulfilment of their task. Blessed are the homes endowed with good wives and mothers. There the peace of God will rule!

Worldly-minded women present themselves as so much more sophisticated and advanced. But they are fools! For they do not fear the Lord! They do not love their own husbands but themselves. Corrupted in their minds, it's not surprising that they abort their own children if they happen to interfere with their own interests.

Beloved sisters in the Lord, learn the truth about your calling – not from magazines, advertisements, novels, or soap operas, but from the Holy Scriptures. Realize the significance of your task as one who fears the Lord. You have a difficult but beautiful task. As a wife you are to help your husband in all good things, to take interest in what he does, to listen and to encourage him in the right way. As a mother you have received into your care sons and daughters of the Lord. Would you want a more significant task than that? You can't expect to do anything more important than caring for your children. Don't let your wonderful responsibility get buried under the daily chores and routines. Even the angels in heaven are not as glorious as you are, nor is their work as important as yours.

Let those who plan on getting married remember this as well. Young brothers, if all you are looking for is a woman who has a pleasant disposition, good looks and a nice personality, then you are on the wrong track; you are not wise but foolish. Your first concern and question should always be: "Is the woman I'm attracted to deeply committed to the Lord and his service?" Young sisters, if your goal is to charm and to look beautiful and nothing more, you will never make a good wife and you will be a lousy mother. For charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting. A God-fearing woman has charm of a different sort. She is worth more than rubies, our text concludes.

What are we to make of those words? Do they colour our text or develop its meaning in any way? To say a good wife is worth more than jewels sounds like an expression you might find in a novel. A husband who is as pleased as punch about his wife might brag, "She's such a jewel. You don't find many around like her!"

But the author of Proverbs has a different reason for claiming a good wife and mother is worth more than rubies. He borrows this expression from an earlier chapter. Chapter 3 uses the exact same phrasing to give a description of the high quality of wisdom itself. Chapter 3:13-15 states, “Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold. She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.” Chapter 8:10,11 repeats those words in much the same format, “Choose my instruction instead of silver, for wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her.”

Now we go back to our text to behold something truly amazing! For what was said about wisdom itself, is applied to the woman who is typified as a good wife. A connection is drawn between wisdom and a good wife and mother who serves the Lord with all her might in the position he has given her. Thus, when this passage claims that a good wife is more precious than jewels, it is actually equating her to wisdom. Where wisdom is found there you have an indication that God is at work with his redemption and restoration. A woman who fears the Lord and goes about her task faithfully in obedience to her Lord is wise. She gives evidence of the LORD'S renewing and redeeming work. Thus, you can see our text is not merely a word of advice for married women, or for mothers with children. The woman of Proverbs 31 is an example of what Jesus Christ does through his redemptive work to every member of the church. Christ, our wisdom, touches every area and every task in the kingdom of heaven and makes it meaningful and purposeful. The grace, mercy and peace of God granted to us through the forgiveness of sins revives and resuscitates the task of a woman.

In this woman – and for that matter in all women who fear the Lord – you find the proof and evidence that the wisdom of God restores and rebuilds life according to the original mandate given in creation. This woman operates in the way described because she has found wisdom. Since she has learned to know her Bible, she also knows her position under God. She has learned to understand what she is called to do. This woman gains back the position she lost through the fall into sin.

Do you see how our text runs over with the gospel of salvation? Woman, who was the first to fall into sin, is restored through Christ, who is her wisdom and sanctification and redemption. Through the salvation obtained for her by the Lord, she is worth more than rubies.

Even though a woman who fears the Lord is wise and, like wisdom, is more precious than jewels, she is far from being perfect. The woman described in Proverbs 31 served the Lord in the position given to her. She sought the best for her husband and family. Yet her work was done in weakness and with many sins and shortcomings. The same must be said of every man, woman, and child today. No person fulfils her or his work exactly the way God wants it. Our life can be blessed when it is covered by the atoning work of Jesus Christ. Our task and function as men and women makes sense and has purpose in him. We know that, having gained more wisdom through the progress the LORD our God made in the history of redemption.

God the Father looks at the work done by fathers and mothers, by children and single members. He sees it in Christ. All of life is redeemed through the blood of the Redeemer. For he has made payment for our sins.

Brothers and sisters, every Lord's Day the wisdom of Christ is proclaimed to you through the pure preaching of the gospel. Therefore, do not be foolish. Seek after wisdom which is worth more than rubies so that you might know the purpose of your task in life, whether it be at home, on the job-site, in a machine shop, in an office, in school, at play or during the years of retirement.

We are to mirror the wisdom of God in our relationships. Show that you fear God in what you are willing to do for someone else. Parents, instruct your children. Embrace them and show that you love and care for them. Children, love, honour and respect your parents in the fear of the Lord. Make visible the redemption of Christ within the communion of saints. Husbands, wives, seek the good of your spouse in the task assigned to you by the Lord. Mothers, do your work well, according to God's design, in the fear of the Lord. This allows you to make a lasting impression on generations to follow. “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her…” (verse 28) “let her works bring her praise at the city gate." (verse 31) For where a people fears the Lord, God is honoured.

Husbands, have you hugged your wife today? Children, have you hugged your mother today? Do it! For a woman who fulfils her task in obedience to the Lord is worth far more than rubies. Amen.

Add new comment

(If you're a human, don't change the following field)
Your first name.
(If you're a human, don't change the following field)
Your first name.

Plain text

  • No HTML tags allowed.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.