A Case History⤒🔗

"All my Christian life I've been wrestling with my bad temper. I've always been like that, even before I was converted, but I thought that Christ would change things. I've prayed and prayed over this and it makes no difference. I still get easily ruffled and snap at people. I'm beginning to wonder, in fact, if I am a Christian. Where do I stand and what can I do about my temper?"

The Treatment←⤒🔗

Writing of anger, one Free Churchman of the last cen­tury commented: "If the evil did not abound on earth, the reproof of it would not come so oft from heaven" (William Arnot). Scripture has much to say about anger because it is such a common problem.

I believe the aged Cor­nelius van Til was once asked if it becomes easier to overcome sin as one grows older. With shaking hand, he replied that the sins which troubled him most were the sins that came from his youth. In this world we will never reach a state of perfec­tion. But being concerned to progress against a besetting sin is a sign of the working of the Holy Spirit, and there­fore of a genuine experience of the Lord.

"Losing the head" is a particularly unfortunate sin because it is so public. Hypocrisy, covetousness and lust can be hidden from those about us, but not anger.

Lack of progress against this sin could be because of a failing to understand what anger is or failing to deal with it Biblically.

Anger Is Not an Illness←⤒🔗

"I've got quite a nasty temper" is usually how we excuse our outbursts. It is on a par with: "I've got a bad back." We are effectively saying that there is a part of us called a temper, and in our case it is a bad one. When we do that we shift the responsibility away from ourselves and make ill-temper an illness that comes to us from the outside.

Psychiatry has promoted this way of thinking. Depres­sion, nerves, phobia, alco­holism and homosexuality are seen as merely products of our own biochemistry that we have little control over. One man who was a heavy drinker was excused by his wife under the pretext, "He was born one drink short". No wonder he kept on turning to the public-house!

If we think our outbursts are just part of our constitu­tion, then there will be no stopping them.

Anger Can Be Right←⤒🔗

In certain circumstances anger can be justified. God is said to be angry every day with the sinner. God's Holy Spirit stirred Samson up to a righteous anger. Jesus Christ was angry with those who traded in the temple. There was the righteous anger of George Whitefield and John Calvin.

Being made in the image of God means that we share some of the characteristics of the Almighty. God is love, and so we have the ability to love. Yet sadly this is often perverted into forni­cation, adultery and pornog­raphy. God is holy and so he recoils from sin in a righteous anger. Our experience of producing anger can be right, but more often it is perverted into an impatient rage.

God's Opinion←⤒🔗

When we do not want to stop doing something we easily find an excuse to con­tinue. Despite the wealth of medical evidence on the dangers of smoking, the chain smoker points to the old man who has smoked all his life, and says, "He's reached his 80th year, so it can't be that bad for you!" If we are going to succeed against an ill-temper we must be convinced it is wrong.

Now, God uses a strong word to describe a man who gives vent to his anger: a fool (Proverbs 29:11). Anger goes hand-in-hand with recklessness (Proverbs 14:16) and many other sins (Proverbs 29:22). We find it is addictive (Proverbs 19:19) and has a knock-on effect by stirring up others (Proverbs 15:18). Therefore it makes life miserable for those about us (Proverbs 21:19). Within the church it can preclude a man from the eldership (Titus 1:7). Jesus warns us: "Anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment" (Matthew 5: 22); and James commands us:

"Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry."

James 1:19

Ill-temper is bad for us, for those about us, and is offensive to God. We must declare war on it! There can be no excuses.

Use of Common Sense←⤒🔗

Lack of sleep or a nagging pain can change a normally docile individual into a bear. Problems at work or pre­menstrual tension can simi­larly lead to our being difficult to live with. On hearing of one minister who frequently seemed angry at his congregation, a friend commented: "he's got too much on, and he's taking it out on the congregation". It is possible to predict when most of us will be short-tempered.

So before we think about the theology of coping with anger, maybe by the length of the traffic jam or the late­ness of the hour, we can be warned to take precautions concerning our emotions. Perhaps all we have to do is get more sleep or switch the car radio on.

Watch Who Your Friends Are←⤒🔗

Husbands joke about no longer even bothering to ar­gue with their wives, they just give in. But in fact married couples develop similar attitudes on major issues. Psychologists would explain it in terms of human groups, but we do tend to become like those about us.

This applies to anger. If you go into a home where there is a lot of bickering, everyone is at it, even the youngsters. Anger is conta­gious. The Bible warns us: "do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get your­self ensnared" (Proverbs 22:24, 25). If there is anger in the home, try and keep clear when someone is blowing their top.

Looking Over the Offence←⤒🔗

I am sure the roads would be safer and less stressful if car drivers had to memorise Proverbs 19:11: "A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is his glory to overlook an offence."

If someone upsets us, the first line of response should be to forgive and forget the matter. God himself is said to be slow to anger and abounding in love. It is basic to Christian love to overlook an offence (1 Peter 4:6).

By exercising patience and forgiveness, anger rising within us can be quenched.

Things Which Cannot Be Overlooked←⤒🔗

Having a teacher pick on your child or having the local council act in a two-faced way over licensing are things which are difficult to overlook. How do we handle anger then?

We might feel like wring­ing someone's neck, but as a general principle we have to direct the energy produced by our anger towards solving the problem rather than attacking the people concerned.

Often we make one of two mistakes. Either we clam up, raise our own blood pressure and risk heart failure (tragi­cally, in one Church of Scot­land an elder dropped dead after a heated Session meet­ing). Or we ventilate our anger and say things we later regret.

Clamming up or ventilat­ing anger are both unsatis­factory. Paul tells that we must not let the sun go down on our anger (Ephesians 4:26). It has to be sorted before we go to bed.

To do this we need to look at things from both sides of the problem. It is a man of understanding who is said to be even-tempered (Proverbs 17:27). One of the first lessons I learned in pastoral work was that there are always two sides to a problem. Maybe the council are following Government guidelines, and the teacher may well have reason to feel aggrieved.

Personally I find it helpful to write things down. This stops the issues going around and around in your mind and helps to formulate con­structive ideas. Then when there is opportunity for dis­cussion our words can be directed towards solutions rather than verbally hitting out at others.

If All Else Fails←⤒🔗

Every day we need the blood of Jesus to cleanse us from our sins. And he is one who knows firsthand the temptation to a wrong anger. He did not give into that and he will continue to help us.