LITURGY⤒🔗

Singing:
Ps. 44:1
Ps. 25:6,7
Ps. 37:11,15,16
Ps. 78:1,3
Hy. 14:2,4←↰⤒🔗

Reading:
Malachi 4
Ephesians 1:1-10; 6:1-4←↰⤒🔗

Beloved congregation of our Lord Jesus Christ,

Are fathers doing what the Lord wants and asks of them? Many men work long hours to keep their families financially afloat. They leave early in the morning and work until late at night so that mortgages, utilities, food, clothing, school tuition and the like can be paid. Fathers work hard so they can contribute to the church and to those in need. But where is Dad when his infant child, grade-schooler, or teenager needs him? Is he fulfilling the vow he made when he stood at the front of the church for the baptism of his children, promising to instruct them in the ways of the Lord?

Negligence among fathers is at an all-time high. Just look at the number of women who are raising their families alone because the husband has opted out of his responsibilities. Many women are forced to play the demanding dual role of both father and mother.

Fathers often fail because they underestimate their task. They think that if they pay the bills, make everyday decisions, and step in once in awhile to discipline the children, everything will turn out all right. But it does not work that way.

Following the principles of Scripture, the qualifications required for an effective Dad are much higher than for the director of some large company. A job description for a father could easily read:

Wanted:  Father – The applicant must be a man of vision, strength, character, capable of leading an in-service training organization that will in time produce parents like himself. He must carry on his instruction at all age levels. He must be able to cooperate effectively with his helpmate, give advice and counsel as needed, and provide spiritual help and leadership. He must be willing to do whatever is needed 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Finally, he must provide for his own salary as well as the financial needs of the entire organization.¹

The task of father is a massive job and it has to be done – and done right – for the glory of God and the benefit of the whole church. Therefore we do well to pay attention to what Ephesians 6:4 teaches us about the role of Christian fathers. Our theme is:

The Duty of Christian Fathers in Averting a Generation Gap←⤒🔗

This Responsibility has Two Aspects:←↰⤒🔗

1. A Negative Attitude to be Avoided
2. A Positive Purpose to be Promoted

In general, the Bible addresses the congregation as a whole, but in several places specific groups are mentioned. In our text the apostle Paul singles out fathers. Yet his intention is not to draw attention to one class of individuals at the cost of others, so that if you're not a father you should think, "But what about me? What can be in a sermon like this for me?" Sometimes you have to focus on one particular aspect to make sure the whole structure will run smoothly. You check the spark plugs or the oil to make sure your vehicle is reliable on the road.

In the last chapters of his letter to the Ephesians, the apostle Paul mentions several examples of how we, as members of the body of Christ, should live with the Lord and with one another. As Christians, we are to put away falsehood, filthiness, unwholesome talk, fornication, and bitterness. We may not let the sun go down on our anger or get drunk. We are to be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving each other, as God in Christ forgave us (Ephesians 4:25-32). Being filled with the Spirit we are to address one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making music in your heart to the Lord.

Being in Christ results in living for Christ and that will be reflected in all social relations. Therefore Paul summons us to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. A vital concern of the apostle is the position, role and behaviour of fathers. In order for the grace of God to flow to us and to our children unhindered, there must be a good relationship between parents and their children – and in particular between fathers and their offspring. Paul writes, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord". Dads have this duty given to them by God in order that there be unity between the generations. By their faithful instruction, fathers avoid a generation gap in the covenant and church of the Lord.

One of the scripture readings for this sermon was taken from the prophecy of Malachi. We read Malachi 4 because that passage helps explain our text. Malachi was called by the Lord to preach against the sins of the people of Judah who had returned from the Babylonian captivity. Many problems and sins plagued the life of the church of his day, some of which involved family relations. Men and women were unfaithful to each other; divorce was rampant. A new generation was growing up who did not know the Lord. They were highly critical of the Lord's work and ways. This new generation adapted to the culture of their heathen neighbours, causing a generation gap. The children did not know what the parents were talking about and parents had no clue as to what their children were thinking. Malachi warns that the gap, pulling the generations apart will not be closed unless there is repentance and a return to the Lord. Only reconciliation with the Lord will close the gap.

Malachi foretells the arrival of such a day: “‘See, I will send you the prophet Elijah before that great and dreadful day of the LORD comes. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse.’” (Malachi 4:5,6) A day is coming when the ministry of God's grace will grab hold of people's lives. The preaching will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers.

Brothers and sisters, was that not the message John the Baptist preached when he heralded the coming Christ? And is that not the basis for Paul's words to the Ephesians? A generation gap holds back the progress of the Lord's work. When fathers do not instruct their children in the fear of the Lord, the line of the covenant is broken.

But why does Paul single out fathers? Why does he "pick" on fathers when mothers are in on this too? The answer is twofold. In the first place, following the pattern the Lord established in the Old Testament, fathers had a God-given duty to be leaders within the family. Take for example what is stated in Psalm 78:5, "He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our forefathers to teach their children." The second reason Paul singles out dads has to do with the culture of the day. The young congregation at Ephesus grew up in an environment where fathers commonly played a limited role in the education of their children. Greek mothers would nurture and educate their children from birth to approximately age seven. After that, a teacher or tutor would take over the responsibility. Christian fathers were in danger of following the old pattern and leaving the education of their children in the hands of others.

But is such a practice permissible? Are fathers free of all duties when it comes to education? Is a father merely the bread-winner and all other responsibilities left to mothers and others? Just because fathers are busy with their daily work and all sorts of good causes, can they wash their hands of all educational responsibilities?

Let it be clear, the apostle is not down-playing the role of mothers. Christian mothers are to teach their daughters to be women of faith. Thus the proverb of Ezekiel 16: “Like mother, like daughter.” A son also is advised to heed the teachings of his mother. Proverbs 31 passes on to us the sound advice of Lemuel's mother who taught him about the dangers of giving way to loose women and excessive drinking.

The point made in Ephesians 6 is: Fathers, you must get your act together too! Educating and disciplining children is the mutual task of mother and father. Parents, the words which the Lord commands shall first of all be upon your own heart, but then you shall diligently teach them to your children; you shall give your sons and daughters prime time. Fathers are to spend time with their children, and this demand becomes greater as the children grow older. Christian dads should be a haven and refuge and give security in the home. As we read in Proverbs 14:26, “He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.”

A father is the head and leader in the household. Being head does not give him the right to do as he deems fit, or to "pitch in" only when he feels like it. A father may not use his headship in an abusive manner physically, morally, or verbally. Children should not cringe in fear because "Look out – here comes Dad. He’s the one that calls the shots!" Headship implies that it is primarily his responsibility to ensure that Christ is the supreme ruler in that particular home.

Well then, fathers, we have our work cut out for us, don't we? Let us exercise great care when leading our wives and children, not making an arbitrary use of our authority. Let us use our heads! That's the point being made in the phrase “do not exasperate your children”.

Of course we realize the apostle isn't saying, "Go easy on the children. If they start jumping up and down and screeching when they don't get their way, just cater. Give them what they want. Don't make them mad by saying 'No'". Paul is not talking about an anger of this sort. Instead, he warns against needling and pressuring someone in a wrong direction. For example, spanking a child without any good reason. Sure the Bible teaches "Spare the rod, spoil the child" but that's not the same as saying, "Beat with the rod and demolish a child". We may not take out the frustrations of our daily work on our children.

"Do not exasperate your children" includes refraining from derogatory remarks such as, "Oh what do you know about it?", pestering, and harsh words. It even prohibits our moody silence and inconsistencies – being nice when other people are around, but when together as family, it's hard to find a friendly or pleasant word coming from the mouth of the old grump!

Another sure way to create a generation gap is to break a child's spirit by being unreasonable;  demanding of them things they are incapable of doing and goals they are incapable of attaining so that no matter how hard the child tries he/she can never do it right. Neither should parents be too overprotective. They should allow their children room to grow and develop spiritually.

Moreover, fathers and mothers are to be positive about serving the Lord in the church of Christ whom he has chosen to be his own. For it is through negativism that a child will begin to resent you and everything you stand for. They may even equate you with the Christian faith and say, "Forget it, I don't want to have anything to do with you. I don't want to have anything to do with the fear of the Lord."

Exasperating your children – do you know why that's so bad? Because it can drive your son or daughter away from Christ, whereas God has called you to be used to bring them close.

It goes without saying that the headship of fathers is to be recognized by both wives and children. Wives, you should not be degrading your husbands, sarcastically criticizing his weaknesses in front of others. Children, the Lord requires of you that you honour your fathers. When the lines have been drawn in the verbal sand, honour those lines instead of constantly dancing on the line and performing high-wire acts just to sneak in your own way. When he tells you to get busy, do it. When your dad or mom tells you to turn off the television or computer, turn it off! If you have been given a curfew, respect it and be in on time. If your parents don't want you wearing those clothes or listening to that music, listen to what they tell you. For by a rebellious and defiant attitude, you greatly inhibit your father in his task of headship.

2. We come to our second point: the apostle also instructs fathers concerning the positive purpose they are to promote in the education of their children. The last phrase of our text can be rendered: but bring them up in the pedagogy and putting of their mind to the Lord. Through their good instruction, fathers are to direct their children to the service of the Lord. The purpose of teaching is not to impose our ideas and our sentiments upon a child nor are we attempting to mould an exact replica of ourselves. It is the responsibility of fathers, with the assistance of their wives, to instruct the next generation in the ways of the Lord. Children's minds are not to be filled with the emptiness and vanity of this present world. Fathers must direct their children to Jesus Christ, the Master of their life so that they may learn to confess, "I am not my own, but belong to my faithful Saviour Jesus Christ. I am a servant and a slave of Jesus, bought with his precious blood."

But how do we propose to do this? Fathers can put the minds of their children to the Lord by showing in word and deed that the service of the Lord is their top priority. What an impression they will leave on their sons and daughters if, for example, they get out of bed fifteen minutes earlier to pray, read and meditate on the scriptures before they go to work. They should be involved in getting their families up and ready for church on a Sunday morning. Fathers should be initiating a discussion about the sermon, and leading their families in daily devotions. They should be letting their children know that it is good to go out and work – not as an end in itself – but to use their time, talents and energy for service in God's kingdom.

Fathers, before we can teach our children to put their minds on Christ, our own minds have to be on the Lord. This includes our active involvement in the life of Christ's church. When husbands send their wives to Bible study and stay at home themselves, what kind of message are they giving to their children? They leave them with the impression that Bible Study is just for women and not for men. We all realize that men have busy lives and come home tired! But women have been working all day too! If we have nothing more to say than empty and vain things, if all we can talk about is cars, sports, work and hobbies, then something is badly lacking. Our children must see that we are totally – not just partially – dependent on the Lord.

Whether you like it or not, brothers, these are some of your God-given duties. It's not right for women to complain about their husbands; but you should not be giving reason or occasion for it either.

To have families that please the Lord, to have a strong church, fathers must either begin or continue dedicating themselves to the task of leading their families. Promoting the positive purpose of fatherhood, a dad must build a spiritual atmosphere within the home. He must build quality communication with his children, making sure each child gets equal consideration. He must promote positive habits and character qualities in his children – not disciplining in anger but out of a desire to teach obedience.

A good principle to maintain in effective discipline and instruction is to clear away unresolved problems with the children before going to bed at night. "I'm sorry for wronging you. Will you forgive me?" are very hard words, but we shouldn't be too proud to say them. Parents who acknowledge their own failures to their children teach them a very important lesson.

Brothers and sisters, the Lord has entrusted young ones to parents so that they might lead them to Christ. Therefore fathers must be active and show what a privilege it is to be members of the church. Those children, educated in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, do not have to be the greatest intellectuals. Not every child has to be a doctor or a lawyer. They don't have to be made into little theologians either. Those who are taught to put their mind on Christ are not necessarily the most brilliant bunch; they may even suffer a physical or mental handicap. Yet the Lord calls all of us to use our talents to the fullest. In the Old Testament it was the duty of a father to teach his children the practical wisdom of a profession in the light of God's covenant. Putting our mind to the Lord means understanding all of life's activities are Christ-centred.

Beloved, the Lord promises to bless those who live in obedience to him. In disciplining and instructing their children, parents must make it clear that what they demand of their children is the same as what the Lord demands of them. They, too, must put their mind on Christ and live by his grace. Fathers can be fathers and they can lead their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord because of the Father who is up above. He gives the energy to all earthly fathers to fulfil their calling. Our Father in heaven, who chose us in Christ, is willing and able to give us what we need to fulfil our task as long as we lean on him. Day by day pray, "Abba, Father, give me the willingness to do your will. Provide me with the strength to discipline and instruct my children in the right way. Fill me with your Spirit so that I may have the mind of Christ. May, by your grace, my children learn to love, fear and honour you".

Fathers, you have heard what the Lord requires of you. It's never too late to begin being a leader in your home. But it is never too soon either! Amen.