This article shows that in searching for the right person for courtship, the qualities of modesty and self-control are essential. Young men should be drawn toward inner beauty and modesty.

Source: The Youth Messenger, 2008. 2 pages.

Courtship Vs. Dating: Decisions – Christ-Like Young Men

Proverbs is a book of wisdom. It is written in part as a father to children, and more directly as a father to a son. Proverbs 2:1-5:

My son, if thou wilt receive my words, and hide my commandments with thee; So that thou incline thine ear unto wisdom, and apply thine heart to understanding; Yea, if thou criest after knowledge, and liftest up thy voice for understanding; If thou seekest her as silver, and searchest for her as for hid treasures; Then shalt thou understand the fear of the Lord, and find the knowledge of God.

There is another proverb I would like to draw your attention to, especially the young men reading. It is Proverbs 11:22, which says, “As a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.”

The picture being painted for us is one of contrast. Here you have something very beautiful, a piece of fine jewelry, well-crafted, expensive, and attractive, set in the nose of a pig! Not a dove, or a gazelle, but the most disgusting animal in the Hebrew culture. What is this text saying? It is saying that outward beauty is of no consequence if it is set within the context of a person who is internally un­lovely. The truth of the matter is, some young man reading, will marry a woman because she is absolutely stunning. Every guy wants to be her husband, but she has eyes for you. The problem will be, though, that as time goes on, her youth­ful beauty will fade, (it always does) and you will be married to an unattractive woman, inside as well as out. You see, outward beauty is comparatively small in this text in the nose of a pig. So, outward beauty is comparatively small when compared to the whole person.

Young men, you do not want to court or marry a woman for her looks alone. A woman who dresses inappropriately before marriage will likely do so after. Do not let lust dictate who you will marry, but a godly inner beauty.

Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.2 Tim. 2:22

And once you have found a woman to court, she is not to be treated as a sex­ual object. Society today teaches us that women are objects of pleasure rather than made in the image of God. It is not appropriate to touch her, petting, or kissing until marriage. Some of you right now are saying, “Whatever! We can’t be expected to not do that, it is impossible.” Young men, it is not acceptable to touch another man’s wife after marriage. That would be considered adultery. In the same way, it is not acceptable to touch another man’s wife before mar­riage, that is fornication. We believe in God’s sovereignty, predestination, and providence, don’t we? Then until you say “I do” you could very well be touching, petting, and kissing another man’s wife. Who are you to open up another man’s gift? Ladies, you do not want to be with a man who desires physical intimacy before marriage. It is not lawful and he is a predator, no matter how handsome he is or how much he says he loves you. If you want a godly man, a man who will lead your home in the paths of Christ, never court a man who would desire to touch you sexually before marriage. And if you ever hear the moronic line, “If you love me you will let me”, come out of his mouth, run to your father or elder as fast as you can and let them deal with the leach.

1 Corinthians 7:1&2:

Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

To touch a woman in a sexual way, before marriage is fornication, Paul is saying. Men are to be respecters of women. To see them for who they are as created in God’s image. To see them as beautiful, intelligent, and pure sisters in the Lord. And women are to display the inner beauty, being modest, godly, looking for a man who will be faithful to the Lord, and lead her family in the ways of Christ.

May the Lord give you strength to follow Him in your relation­ships. May he also direct each one to the person of His choice, and may we have a future generation of godly marriage.

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