Several years ago, a few of the single parents at New Life OPC in Jenkintown, Pennsylvania initiated the Single Parent Fellowship. This was a ministry composed of single parents with the purpose of providing themselves and other single parents with Christian fellowship and support.

However, as time passed, it became evident that biblical accountability and mutual commitment were elusive goals when the members of the group saw each other only once a month. Counseling and guidance fell on deaf ears of those who used the group as a dating service and who felt only tenuous, personal ties to the other members of the group.

The members of the fellowship came to see that the most effective ways of nurturing and serving single parents were through small discipleship groups or in one-on-one discipling within the single parent's own church. In such contexts the single parent finds what he needs most from his fellow Christians: committed friendship and fellowship, help in childrearing and assistance in meeting financial obligations.

Committed Friendship⤒🔗

A new single parent who has gone through a divorce and is overwhelmed by feelings of rejection and shame, often withdraws from others rather than reaches out for help. He feels neither fish nor fowl; he is no longer comfortable with couples as part of a couple himself, but neither is he a young, carefree single. What he needs is loving, unconditional and patient friendship. The Christian friend cannot wait for the single parent to contact him. He needs to go out of his way to call up the single parent, visit with him or have him and the children over for dinner; that is, he should pursue him in love.

Often a person's emotional resources are so spent with childrearing as well as in trying to deal with the other emotional and physical stresses encountered in single-parent living that he needs to soak up love and caring given by others who are not at such a low point in their lives. Other Christian single parents or former single parents whom the Lord has healed have much to offer the new single parent by virtue of the “I've been there myself” factor. They are living testimonies of the Lord's healing of shattered lives, and they can offer an example of a positive Christian identity as a single parent.

Intertwined in the friendship/fellowship aspect of a ministry to single parents is the need and opportunity to offer encouragement, advice and counsel. However, this must be done sensitively. The single parent has been rejected by his spouse; he has possibly been rejected by other Christians in his church. He has experienced great bitterness and sorrow over what has happened to his marriage and life and has almost always experienced a severe crisis in his self-concept.

As mentioned above, the single parent's first needs are to be loved, accepted and cared for unconditionally. As he seeks guidance in interpreting the Lord's will in his situation, he needs the counsel of mature Christians who will continue to love him through whatever mistakes he may make. Professional Christian counseling is often necessary as the single parent tries to deal biblically with his separated spouse or ex-spouse or, indeed, the whole matter of divorce.

Help in Childrearing←⤒🔗

One of the greatest fears of a single parent is that of irreparable harm to his children because of a divorce. Mothers fear for the development of their sons, fathers for their daughters. In many single-parent homes discipline is a real problem, as children quickly learn to manipulate a parent who is already feeling guilty about not being able to supply all their needs himself.

In our experience, the most helpful ministering other Christians can do in this area is to provide positive role models for the children. A family, by becoming special friends with the single-parent family, can provide a good example to the children of how Christian men and women think and act. It is often difficult for single parents to organize family outings, as they are often not much fun for the lone adult. Other families can remember this and can invite a single-parent family along on one of their activities. Or a man or woman in the church can make a commitment to a child of the same sex to pray for, pursue a relationship with and to take him or her to special places.

Assistance in Finances←⤒🔗

Single-parent families are usually worse off financially than are intact families. This situation creates great stress and adds to the load of guilt the single parent feels toward providing for his child. Single parents should be encouraged to communicate their needs to the deacons of the church. Church members should be sensitive to ongoing clothing needs and babysitting needs. By passing on articles when their own children have outgrown them, they can help without placing undue strain on their own, possibly overstretched, budgets.

The goal of a single-parent ministry is to provide loving biblical fellowship, nurturing and discipleship as well as physical assistance that will enable a person to emerge from the devastation of a failed marriage to a new wholeness in Christ as a single person. We can be used of the Lord to this end as the single parent sees us minister to his needs in Christian love.