What are important aspects to keep in mind during the elderspastoral visit to the church members? In discussing these things, the author also points out the goal of the home visit.

5 pages. Translated by Bram Vegter.

Aspects of the Home Visit Conversation

One🔗

The office of elder is a pastoral office. Following the reformer of Strassburg, Martin Bucer, we ought to see the elder as the shepherd, who takes care of the sheep. The elder is the overseer, he oversees the congregation (Acts 20:28). In many publications it has been pointed out that the word “overseer” has a pastoral sound. It is not about inspection or about control, but about caring for…(compare 1 Peter 2:25 with James 1:27). The word “overseer” we must read in the light of Ezekiel 34:11, 12, 15, 16 where the true shepherd is described for us. The New Testament underlines that the elder must care for the congregation (Acts 20:28), to shepherd the flock of God (1 Peter 5:2). In the words “care for” and “shepherd” we find the care for the individual church member coming to the fore. Paul convinces the elders in Ephesus that he “did not cease night or day to admonish everyone with tears” (Acts 20:31). Also in 1 Thessalonians 5:14 we find this care for the individual church member: “…admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all”.

In the gospels we discover how much the Lord Jesus cared for the individual in their personal struggles: Nicodemus (John 3), the Samaritan woman (John 4), the rich ruler (Luke 18:18-27). Very characteristic is the word which we read in relation to the ill person in Bethesda: “When Jesus saw him lying there” (John 5:6). Him…among the many ill persons in Bethesda Jesus specifically sought this lonely man!

Following the chief Shepherd (1 Peter 5:4), the elder must look after and care for the individual church member in his/her very personal circumstances.

Two🔗

Confession has for ages functioned as a means of choice to practice personal care for the soul. Luther and Calvin especially objected against the manner in which sins were being forgiven during confession, and they objected against the obligation to make confession. Calvin substituted the confession with the home visit. In Geneva, the elders went to the homes of the congregation members, to practise their task as overseers. Not wrongly, the home visit has been described as “the pinnacle of acting as overseers” (C. Trimp). The care for the flock drives the office bearers to the homes, to the place where life of the church members is being lived.

During the home visit or the visit at the home, the home visit conversation takes place. The shepherd-care of the elders emerges practically completely in the manner of a conversation. Just as a good conversation has certain requirements, the same holds for the home visit conversation. We are not done by saying: The Holy Spirit will look after it. For the Spirit uses people. Especially Calvin — theologian of the Holy Spirit! — underlines the instrumental aspect of the office of elder. The elder must be a good instrument. He must direct the home visit conversation in such a way, that it indeed honours and serves the high purpose of God the Holy Spirit.

Three🔗

In the modern manner of taking care of the soul, the conversation is rated near the top. The influence of American pastoral psychology can be shown. Names such as S. Hiltner and C. Rogers must be named here. This modern way of taking care of the soul is founded upon humanistic teaching of man. Man finds himself in a world where suffering and struggles are a given, as part of creation (H. Berkhof). In such a world he needs help. The need of man is not his debt of sin, bat a variety of psychological needs. The gospel message now is that God accepts man in his tragic circumstances. The Word which became flesh is preaching this. God shares in the brokenness of this world, suffers along with man.

The pastoral conversation is in fact a continuation of the Word becoming flesh. The pastor is called upon to explain that God accepts man. The pastor and congregation member accept this premise and travel together on a path to find the true freedom. (Double lines are deleted here).

The pastoral conversation should not be in a preaching manner, admonishing people. That does not correlate with the empowered status of man! It is all about a meeting out of solidarity, where the showing up of the pastor is the deciding factor. The person visited must “experience” Jesus in the pastor. Jesus, in his power to free us. This way the visit even gets a purpose of salvation: it gives people space and heals them.

The office bearer is to make sure he attains great communication skills. Only in that way can he be a shepherd for the other person.

Four🔗

Over against this modern way of taking care of the soul (which totally ignores the actual purpose of the office) we have to watch out that in the home visit conversation, it is not about psycho-therapeutic assistance, but to share the Word with a congregation member. Calvin correctly says: We must not dream of another power, which is separate from the preaching of the gospel (Institutes III, 4, 14). The rod, with which the flock is being shepherded, is the Word of God. This Word is what the elders may share in the homes. The New Testament uses for this personal manner of sharing the word “parakalein”, and it is characteristic that here the elder addresses the other person in his/her very own circumstance. Depending on those circumstances, it may be an address which is admonishing or comforting.

I think that in the pastoral conversation it is about the paraklese (or counsel), which the chief Shepherd of sheep wants to give to his sheep in their very own personal circumstance.

Incidentally, the paraklese is not the monopoly of the office bearers. The New Testament also speaks of the mutual admonition and comforting of brothers and sisters in the congregation (compare Matthew 18:12-15; Hebrews 3:13; Hebrews 10:24).

Five🔗

The elder who visits must always realize that the person he visits is unique. Each person has his/her own history, upbringing, views and way of life. If our care really is to be paraklese in the meaning of the New Testament, then the elder should not only know his Bible, but also the person he is visiting. The so-called acquaintance visit is very important for proper shepherding. It is also necessary that the elder knows about important happenings in the lives of those members which are entrusted to his care. It will be terrible, when e.g. we do not know where the father of the family is employed, or not knowing how many members this family consists of. We must know whom we are visiting!

Fundamental for good shepherding is that we are filled with the love of Christ (compare 2 Corinthians 5:14). This love gives us the real compassion for the other person, it teaches us to be patient, and it sharpens our view. Let us not forget that discernment is a fruit of abundant love (compare Philippians 1:9).

Six🔗

The care of the elder commonly unfolds in the manner of a conversation. If we really want to meet the other person, then it is absolutely necessary to listen well. To listen is very difficult. But it is the beginning of real pastoral care. Psychologists have clarified for us that, while listening, we must pay attention to the emotional undercurrents, the feelings and the experiences of the other person. Words function in a specific context. It is important therefore, not only to pay attention to what is being said, but especially also how it is being said: the tone, the posture, the glance. Non-verbal signals are sometimes being conveyed by those whom we are visiting, and we must catch those signals.

A first prerequisite for a good conversation is that we let the person finish what they are saying. Do not be too quick to interrupt with a counter-comment the stream of feelings which are emerging. To enable the other person to truly finish their thoughts, it may be beneficial to repeat their feelings in your own words (you find that…; you experience this as…; this must be extremely difficult for you…). This is also called “to reflect back” the other person’s feelings. When we do this, we will notice that the person being visited will actually continue to explain what is bothering him. He feels understood and experiences that we are really connecting with him.

This active listening means not so much the understanding of the other person, but more so the being with him: we are feeling what it means for him, and how he experiences this. And so we are staying in his “frame of reference”; his world of thought and feelings. We are not in danger to lose him prematurely.

Especially with people who are severely ill or extremely sad, this enabling them to finish talking is of the utmost importance. When we utter words of comfort too quickly, the other person does not feel understood, and it will increase his feeling of loneliness.

If we have really listened patiently, then it will be possible to alleviate and give clarity to the problem. What happens, is a certain objectivizing of the problem. The person who is being visited comes — while talking — to a deeper self-knowledge. Together we will then be able to analyze and tackle the problem.

Via the phase of listening and letting people talk, and via the phase of clarification, we then come to a third phase: that of the paraklese (counselling). The problem may now be placed in the light of the Word of God. We can now speak straightforwardly and to the point. The elder gets the chance to share the Word of God with this unique person with his own issues. In this we ought to watch for emotional pressure. The Lord Jesus did not force the people, but he “looked for” and “called them”. The person being visited keeps his own inalienable responsibility toward the Lord. Office bearers can do nothing but place the Word of him who sends them, at the heart of those whom they visit.

Seven🔗

Sometimes not everything can take place in one conversation. Talks must not be too long. People tend to easily repeat themselves. It is better to continue the conversation at a later stage. The elder also gets a chance this way, to quietly consider what he must say. If powerful emotions were uncovered by the person visited, it allows his mind to settle somewhat. Not everything needs to be said at once.

Prof. C. Trimp pointed out in his last speech as rector, that counselling also has a legitimate place in the home visit conversation. We may as elders, counsel others in very practical matters. When this happens with wisdom and humility, we stay well within our bounds as office bearers. Christ has also been given to us to attain wisdom (1 Corinthians 1:30). It is not for nothing that the book of Proverbs is part of the Bible. The elder who gives practical counsel, carries the wisdom of Christ to his people.

Undoubtedly, the home visit conversation also has its limitations: there are things that God keeps to himself. Sometimes the elder has to step back and leave things to the working of the Holy Spirit. There are also situations when assistance can be given only through specific experts (e.g. by a physician or a social worker). These situations are detected by the elder, because this is above and beyond what can be considered as normal. Almost always (in these situations), there are then also short-circuits in other areas (as e.g.: feelings of depression, or abnormal grief reactions).

Eight🔗

Whoever genuinely wants to be a shepherd, must watch himself carefully. Paul calls to the elders of the church in Ephesus (in Acts 20:28): “Pay careful attention to yourselves”. We must, as office bearers, continually be critical of our own actions. When a visit did not work out well, in our mind, we must ask ourselves: Where did it go wrong? Was I too quick? Did I really (and patiently) listen?

The pastoral base position is that of a maximum turning to the other person, while at the same time keeping a certain distance. The latter is needed to enable us to do our work and to respect the other person in their uniqueness. Our paraklese/counsel is doomed to failure, when we start to generalize (“many people have this”), or we start to downplay things (“well, it’s not really all that bad”), when we moralize (“you should be thankful”) or when we say: “it could have been far worse…”).

We must take the other person seriously in their very personal struggles. How another person experiences something does not matter: the person being visited struggles with this a lot, and it rattles him.

Nine🔗

Of course the congregation member can , also turn the conversation into a failure. There can be a lack of openness to talk. There can be an inability to verbalize his feelings. Perhaps people listen selectively: only taking from what the elder says that which fits in their own frame of mind.

Sometimes there is an undeniable ambivalence of feelings: the attention is appreciated, but the person is not ready to fully give themselves. Uncertainties and feeling of guilt may colour the conversation. A person can be ashamed due to their (lack of) faith or their rebelliousness. One thinks that it is below the standard of a child of God, to be so incredibly sad. The elder must watch out for such ambivalence. It is important to then create an atmosphere of trust, where the other person feels they are accepted.

Ten🔗

The elder leads the home visit conversation. He must keep the goal in mind and ensure that the conversation progresses well. If necessary, he must mitigate digressions, and bring certain elements in the conversation to a conclusion. The elder should watch out not to introduce his own experiences into the conversation. This is perhaps nice for the elder, but the person being visited is really not interested in this at all. He is dealing with his own struggles. To lead does not mean, of course, that the elder is the one constantly talking.

Eleven🔗

In the work of an office bearer it is always about ministering the working of the Holy Spirit in us (2 Corinthians 3:8). The Spirit uses the office bearers so they can serve the believers, to own what they have in Christ. Calvin called the office bearers “fine instruments” of the Holy Spirit. The typical thing in the work of the Holy Spirit is that he employs the whole person. When we fully realize this, we will as office bearers also be aware of our own functioning. Especially during a home visit conversation. We must not limit the Spirit in his glorious work. We must be useful instruments.

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