Is Aging Always a Blessing?
Is Aging Always a Blessing?
“Blessed age.” We know that expression, for instance, in an obituary of an aged person. It is seen as a special gift from Above when someone receives a long life.
That is certainly true in places where the average age is much lower than we are accustomed to. Reaching a very old age is no longer an exception. The average age of residents in nursing homes is between 80 and 90 years! But in our time there are also a lot who die at a younger, sometimes very young age — and in light of that we still, even now, appreciate the reaching of a high age. And whoever lives in faith gives thanks for the Lord’s blessing — at least, generally speaking — because there are circumstances that can cast a shadow on this thankfulness, and those are circumstances in which the question arises that forms the title of this article.
When Aging Hurts...⤒🔗
Everyone would like to grow old, but being old is not easy... That is also a well-known saying, and it is nothing new. In the Bible we already hear that the lengthening of days also means lengthening and increase of hardship. Think of Psalm 90 (“seventy, or even by reason of strength eighty; yet their span is but toil and trouble,” v. 10). Read also the poignant visual picture in Ecclesiastes 12:1–7, where old age is characterized as “the evil days” and years of which you will say, “I have no pleasure in them.” Aging has always had its dark side, and it still has. Also think of the loneliness in the loss of your spouse, your peers, and sometimes (very painfully) your child or grandchild. He or she who was always alone will feel the burden of loneliness much heavier, especially in old age.
In today’s age there are things that were irrelevant before. The fast-changing world makes your experience from your earlier years outdated; you are no longer “with it.” And, as living conditions and medical care improve and people live longer, serious health issues also increase. The need for care grows — but at the same time, social processes (cutbacks, 36-hour workweek) leads to less care and attention given. Moreover, praise to the many older, but also younger staff members, who show admirable dedication. Their stress tolerance is often attacked... Nursing homes often call on children and family of the residents, who, in my experience, show a great love and dedication to parents, aunts, and uncles in nursing homes. Besides that, there is an ever-increasing need for volunteers. But (again) because of the social processes, for instance, being the second provider (without another choice), it becomes more difficult to find enough volunteers. All this brings an urgent appeal for the deacon’s care and consideration in a Christian congregation.
In connection with this, we can also mention that elderly, now more so than in the past, have to experience and process the fact that (grand)children often turn their back on the church and faith, or at least live a life that one can hardly agree with. What should our attitude be in such a case? The elderly who, in old age, know the richness and the power of faith (that is what it comes down to), would like to speak about this with those who are so close to their heart. But experience shows that this often has the opposite effect. So to keep the peace, you do not say anything. But it bothers you. And how do you react when you would like to go to church yourself, or follow a service via radio, TV, or live stream but the children, who ignore the church, want to visit at that exact time? Do you give in, or ask to reschedule with the chance of annoying them?
Due to all these things — especially the occurrence of more than one of these experiences — the pressures of old age can make it difficult to greet the new day with thanksgiving and instead wish not to wake up. “I do not need this anymore...” That is a sigh that I, as pastor of a nursing home, have heard more than once. Or the less crass statement that is more based on faith: “Why doesn’t the Lord take me home?” Then it would sometimes seem as if being old is a curse rather than a blessing...
In all this negativism, we are pointed to what Paul says with the curse of Paradise in Genesis 3 in mind “for the creation was subjected to futility” (Rom. 8:20). In the aging process with its breakdown and deterioration, we also experience the painful results of the punishment of sin. With all our medical techniques we may be able to slow down and alleviate the process, we may even raise the average age considerably. Yet, the increase of years also brings an increase of complaints. In eventually we also reach the end of our abilities. That is hard to accept for people who are of the opinion that suffering is unacceptable and there should be a remedy for everything. A believer may learn to bow before the greatness of God, even in adversity. But should we, when it comes to that, draw a line through the words “blessed age?” If aging usually means decline, does it also mean a decline of blessing? Thankfully not. But we will have to beware for a too limited and shallow idea of “blessing.” As if blessing rises (or falls) with health.
Blessed Arthritis←⤒🔗
These words were used by a church member to her pastor. “I have arthritis, but it is a blessed arthritis.” How can anyone say that? The word “blessed” has an edge and a core in the Bible. The blessings, the good things in life, belong to the edge. But the core, the heart of “blessing” lies in something different. It lies in this: that God is there, and that he wants to be with us in grace. All this for the sake of Jesus, who carried the curse of sin for us and robbed it from its deepest power. It is this blessing that God already promised to Abraham, and that comes to us in the gospel, and that is received in faith: that God is no longer against us, but wants to be for us and with us.
The absence of this surety can be an important reason that old age is not experienced as a blessing. Sometimes also through sins of the past, which were hidden but are now resurface (Psalm 32). In the pastoral care it then comes down to helping the other, under God’s blessing, to surrender faith to Christ, and also to help and support him in doubt and temptation. It is good that there is room for personal confession and the announcement of forgiveness, when necessary.
Where the peace of God is known, we may learn to deal differently with difficulties of life — including old age. Even when blessings fall away, I may find my strength in the sure knowledge that God is always present. Here we are reminded of the words of Psalm 84, the song of pilgrims on the way to the city of God. We read in verse 6: “As they go through the Valley of Baca [that must have been a dry and very hot place, laborious and exhausting to navigate — which we may also apply to the difficulties of old age] they make it a place of springs.” It is remarkable that it does not say, “God made it a place of springs” but: they make it…” That points to acts of faith, a working of faith. Those who are in a difficult time in life, when the going is tough, but continues to place his trust in God, will find springs of blessing and power. As the Dutch hymn says, “If you but let the Father guide you, relying on his faithfulness, he will be ever more beside you, in all your sorrow and distress” (Hymn 65 BoP 2014).1 Then even sorrow and sadness are blessings.
Cautious, But With Conviction←⤒🔗
I write these last sentences with caution, and we can, in the pastoral care for the elderly, only approach this subject with caution. If we do not, we might get the reaction: “That is easy for you to say. Just wait until you experience how difficult it is, then you will talk differently.”
Still we can say these things with conviction, because they have proved true. The woman whom I quoted above did not find it easy to say what she said. She felt the pain of arthritis. But in the pain, she experienced the nearness and power of her Lord, and thus she knew she was — with the arthritis and everything else — still a blessed person. And I am thankful for all the elderly who I have met and still meet, who, in all the difficulties of old age and the battles that come along with it, still experience it like that. They bring the words of Psalm 92 to mind: “They still bear fruit in old age; they are ever full of sap and green, to declare that the Lord is upright.” I truly hope that I, if I should reach that state, will also receive the same. Time and again I am deeply moved in my own reflection on this when reading the wonderful poem that Ida Gerhardt wrote about growing old.
We Are Called To Bless Each Other←⤒🔗
Our words about the blessing of God’s nearness will be meaningless if they are not shown and confirmed in our dealings with each other. A relationship in which we show the blessing of God’s nearness by being near ourselves, in which we show God’s hands in the way we extend our own hand to hold the hand of the other. That is certainly true when the difficulties of old age become so great, and the sufferings so heavy physically and/or mentally, that it would seem a living faith is paralyzed and life itself has lost its meaning.
It is especially in those situations that Christians also ask: are we called, no matter what, to live life to the bitter end, or are we allowed to expedite the end? It would be worthwhile to publish a separate article on this matter. I will limit myself to the following.
In essence there are two questions here which we must clearly distinguish from each other. The first is: is it our Christian duty to stretch life at all costs. Must we use every available treatment or medication possible, or may we forgo this because of circumstances? This also includes the so-called “starving to death,” where an aging fellow man clearly makes it known that he no longer wants any food or drink. May we then just give in to this wish, or should we do everything possible to make them eat? I can empathize with the Christian ethicists and physicians who hold that there are circumstances in which we should not frantically try to stop death when it arrives, but should step aside instead and make room for death. This has nothing to do with practising euthanasia — actively or passively.
However, that is the case with the other, completely different question: in the abovementioned case, are we allowed to do something to end life, or help the person with this matter? A quick and easy answer to this question — without giving thought to the depth and weight of this suffering — seems inappropriate to me. Nevertheless, in my opinion we can give no other answer then a clear “no.” Provided we realize that that is only the beginning of the answer needed here. It is often said here: the question for euthanasia is a cry for help. And when help is offered, it seems the question for euthanasia is usually silenced and the thought of it disappears.
That means a lot. If old age is seen more as a curse than a blessing, it is also the responsibility of those surrounding the older person — in the context of this article, I would say it is the responsibility of office-bearers and the congregation as a whole — to take care that old age can still be blessed, because we pass on that blessing to one another. One of the things which makes things so difficult for the elderly is that they let themselves be guided by the fear of being a burden to others. That is something they want to prevent, whatever the cost! It will be our duty to take that feeling away by our action and attitude. Since the professional caregivers for elderly, sadly, do not have that time, attention, and help, which they should and want to offer the elderly, it is up to the congregation to show that the very elderly are not finished, but really belong and have a place. Make time for them, empathize with them, be near them. That may be asking a lot, and most likely bring changes in our lifestyle which, also among Christians, often focuses on our own pleasures. But would the care of the elderly not first and foremost be a place where, in today’s time, the “way you learned Christ” became visible?
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