1 Thess. 4 begins a new part of the letter. The first three chapters formed a fairly close unit. It is God Who sustains the existence of the congregation (1), calls it into being (2: 1- 13), and works its continuation (2:13- 3:13).

In chapter 4 and 5 however, the apostle discusses various matters relevant to the congregation. It is possible that Timothy had brought a list of questions from Thessalonica and that Paul now answers them systematically.

The first eight verses of chapter 4 discuss a particular ?natter relating to Christian lifestyle. The framework within which Paul deals with this certain point is general (verses 1-3a and verse 8), but within this general framework the accent falls on the specific topic mentioned in verses 3b-7.

This outline first deals with the general framework within which Paul discusses the question, and then with the question itself.

A. Christian lifestyle⤒🔗

In the teaching that Paul and others undertook on the mission fields, the saving work of Jesus Christ was not only explained, but the lifestyle which befits the people who now believed in this Messiah was also discussed. The missionary sermons were Gospel preaching, and that Gospel preaching contained the call to repentance. Because it is the Lord Who calls us back from apostasy and sin and teaches us to live for Him again; He truly saves us from being enslaved to sin and from eternal perdition.

Also in Thessalonica Paul taught the interested Gentiles "how you ought to walk and to please God." The conversion of these Gentiles not only meant that they acknowledged Jesus as Saviour, but that at the same time they would live as the Lord required of them.
Paul still remembers the new lifestyle of those `young' Christians there (verses 1-2).

The content of that teaching about Christian lifestyle can be summed up in one word, holiness'. "For this is the will of God, your sanctification" (verse 3). God calls them from the impurity of heathendom to the holiness which befits Him, the holy God (verse 7).

In effect, Paul brings the very same law, which Moses also impressed upon the church, "be holy, for 1, the LORD your God am holy." That old commandment was now being taught to the young Christian churches. Paul did not just make general comments about holiness. He often gave concrete examples of what it meant for your daily life. How you should walk (step by step).

Throughout the ages there have been people who think that when we believe in God's grace, it is not so important to be particular about our personal lifestyle. They say, "everything is by grace isn't it." and that our works do not contribute anything. They are partly right. Everything in the church is by grace. But that grace contains the gift of a new lifestyle. God teaches us to walk again. He does this "in the Lord Jesus" (verse 1), as a gift, an outright gift.
And when we, through the Holy Spirit (verse 8), learn once again to walk according to God's will, then this is not our work, but God's work. God's forgiving grace is a source of energy! It permeates our life and makes it different. It retrains us. And we start to live differently. And this new lifestyle is the sign and proof of God's grace towards His church. It must not be a matter of indifference to us. It is proof of God's salvation. Never think that our Christian lifestyle is some sort of appendix to salvation, a sort of 'pay-back in thankfulness'. If that was the case, it would indeed be true that our works are worthless before God. But in reality it is quite different: it is the gateway to salvation in our daily life. Through the Holy Spirit!

There is an enormous slackening of the Christian lifestyle nowadays. Many Christians take part in dancing, gambling, going out on Sundays, and have less strict views on marriage, the family, etc. This slackening is strongly promoted by the false teaching of people like Karl Barth, who claims that because of God's grace, our lifestyle is not so important any more. This is an old heresy in modern times. Remember however, what Paul writes in verse 3, "The will of God is your sanctification." God wishes this also in the 21st century. Precisely because He is a God of grace Who, through His Holy Spirit, also wants to redeem our life from impurity to holiness.

B. Abstain from sexual immorality←⤒🔗

In verses 3-4a Paul gradually changes from the general demand of sanctification to the particular matter on which he wants to elaborate.

The demand to abstain from sexual immorality is one of the commandments which is contained in the demand for holiness. When Paul taught the people of Thessalonica to walk (i.e. to live) in a Christian manner, he also impressed upon them the seventh commandment: "You shall not commit adultery" . This word from the LORD's law also counts for the new covenant church. It had been most emphatically expressed in a decree made by the apostles and elders in Jerusalem (see Acts 15:23 and 29): "You brethren who are of the Centiles, abstain from ... sexual immorality." This decision of the apostles would have been elaborated on by Paul in Thessalonica. Perhaps he even alludes to it, and you must put the words "abstain from sexual immorality" in quotation marks. Paul quotes the apostolic decision of Acts 15.

The command to abstain from sexual immorality contains more than Paul writes about here. He had already dealt with the content of this commandment in depth, when he himself was in Thessalonica. He would at that time have discussed Christian marriage, and the many heathen customs from which they needed to distance themselves.

But there is one element in all this that perhaps did not receive enough attention in the congregation, or about which questions had arisen. The apostle further elaborates on that aspect of the seventh commandment in verses 4-6.

The point in question is preparation for marriage. The foundation for that marriage about which people have now learnt that it may not be broken. Paul needs to say a little more about this.

Verse 4 says, "each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honour. "For us the word `versel' is somewhat strange, but it was a common Jewish expression for `wife' or `spouse'. To possess your 'vessel' is then, to acquire a wife, to marry someone. That `possession', that acquiring of your girlfriend, your wife, should be done in holiness. Presumably this topic is of some interest to young people at their society meetings, and therefore point C will show a somewhat more detailed discussion of this matter.

C. The honoruable journey towards marriage←⤒🔗

1. Paul says that everyone should know how to acquire his wife in sanctification, not in passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God. The apostle does not say that you may not desire a woman. Whoever wishes to acquire a wife, must want just that woman, and desire that she will be his. The desire for the other is not wrong. God Himself created us as people who can long for, and desire, and love. Do not be afraid to fall in love.

What Paul condemns here is that you allow yourself to be driven entirely by your desires and lusts. So that your whole behaviour towards the other is governed by your own passion. That is the way of the Gentiles. Unbelievers often talk about 'love'. Every day you can hear some singer or other crooning on the radio 'I love you so much'. There is no more popular theme for songs than 'love'.

This kind of love is seen as something irresistible, something you have to respond to. Love rules. When someone enters an illicit relationship, the excuse is often: `but what if we love each other?' Immorality and adultery often hide behind the excuse of 'love', that supreme driving force in your life. And that love for each other is the argument many young people use for not waiting till the wedding day before giving themselves to each other completely. Love calls!

However, if you refer to 'love' in this way, you are in fact talking about the very thing that Paul speaks of as "passion of lust". This is a passion which burns itself out and knows no obedience to law. It is called love, but true love does not dominate, like passion does.

Paul teaches us that when looking for a girlfriend one should not just ask: do I feel something for this girl? But also: may I as a holy child of God love this girl, and am I doing this according to His will?

Love is not a law unto itself. Love needs to be put to the test of holiness. Then there will be desires which need to be extinguished. Because they are unholy and against God's will. "For God did not can us unto uncleanness but in holiness" (verse 7).

2. Paul says that the aim of our love and our desires is not to abandon ourselves to them, but to acquire a wife. There are many people in this world who make a distinction between marriage and love. They say that there is a love which has nothing to do with the bond of marriage. And that it is possible for a boy and a girl to have a lot of contact in love', even if they eventually do not wish to marry each other. But the apostle knows only of a desire which is directed towards marriage. It is not about 'love' as such, but about marriage within which true love is kept secure, as in a bank vault.

There are people who seem to have no objection to boys and girls having an intimate relationships. They even go so far as to condone this even if there is no intention of getting married. They argue that young people should have the opportunity to express their ever-changing feelings towards each other. Marriage may be considered at a later date. Yet according to Scripture such a free and easy attitude, such intimate relationships are to be condemned. Why? That will be dealt with in the third point.

3. Paul says that you must not take advantage of your brother (nor, of course, your sister), or defraud him in this matter. You shall love your neighbour as yourself. For that reason everyone must behave with tender love towards his neighbour, also in matters of courtship and engagement.

That means: do not covet another man's wife and steal her from him. That is `taking advantage of your brother'.

But there are other ways in which you can take advantage of your brother in these matters. For instance, if a boy tries to steal another boy's girlfriend. Or don't such things occur?

Also, if a boy just flirts with a girl without having feelings of love and wanting to marry her. Often this flirtation or courtship awakens serious feelings in the girl, whilst the young man later scurries off, leaving the girl behind with her disappointment. Would that not be a cause for girls losing trust in boys? Or doesn't this happen?

Another example could be that a young man refuses to spare his girlfriend, and forces his will upon her. And if before marriage there is a failure to live honourably within an engagement, does this not cause damage to your 'sister in the Lord', whether it results in a 'forced marriage' or not?

The examples are numerous. Is this allowed, and is that permissible? Remember: love does not harm the neighbour but seeks his good. God does not want just any kind of marriage. He wants a holy marriage, which follows a good engagement, and an honourable courtship. The seventh commandment does not start on the wedding day. It also demands `honour on the road to marriage'.

4. Paul says that everyone should know how to acquire his wife in 'sanctification'. That also has something to do with the matter of 'mixed courtships'. At the same time it touches the matter of courtships within the church!

To acquire a wife in sanctification, means that you and your wife can serve the Lord in sanctification. You can not do that with every girl. Not with every girl in church. There are girls in the church whom you could not marry in holiness. Because you can not sense an equal love for the Lord Jesus. And certainly outside the church there are many girls you could not marry in sanctification. It is doubtful that you could have a truly equal yoke even if he/she were to join your church. When you realise that, it is better to break off relations. It is possible that you will find a girl who fears the Lord and wants to know more about the church. But then the first question is not: "are you going to join my church?" but: "do you also love the Saviour and do you want to serve Him according to His Word, also in your choice of church membership?"

If you are not totally serious about this while you are young, the Lord will not leave it unpunished. See verse 6. The Lord has often punished an unfaithfully broken engagement by giving a difficult marriage. Whoever is unfaithful often meets unfaithfulness later!
The Lord has often punished unholiness during an engagement by discord in the marriage. Boys who did not look for a girl who wants to serve the Lord with them when the time was right, have been punished later by the Lord for that in their marriage, where they experience difficulties getting their wife to follow them in the right direction.

5. Courtship and engagement may be enjoyed; they are beautiful But remember the rules!

Everyone should pray often to learn to love honestly and in holiness. Jacobus Koelman said in a book he wrote in 1679:

Pray the Lord ardently and continually, before you enter marriage; so that you do not enter into marriage unwisely and rashly, thereby bringing upon yourself snares from which you may never, or only with great difficulty, manage to escape. Pray that the Lord will grant you a capable and comforting wife as a help meet; for houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord (Prov. 19:14). Thus the saints entreated the Lord before they married (Gen. 24:12, 28:2-4). It is a matter of great importance; one usually does this but once in a lifetime.