As we begin a new year and a new decade, Paul’s plan for Christian living is pertinent to all of us. God's plan for Christian living in marriage is offered in Colossians 3:12-17. If you follow its advice, you will live in the riches of God’s grace, your problems in marriage will be properly addressed, and you will bring God glory.

In verses 1-4, Paul declares that because true Christians are risen with Christ, they should hide themselves in Christ, set­ting their hearts and affections on things above and anticipat­ing glory with Him. In verses 5-11, Paul explains the negative perspective of this Christian life, saying that when believers are risen with Christ, they must put off (i.e., get rid of) old vices. In verses 12-17, he offers the positive view of Christian living, telling believers what they must put on. So, what’s needed in Christian marriage and in life itself as we enter a new decade is to turn away from sin toward God. The text describes three ways to do that:

1. Adorn yourselves with the Virtues of Christ⤒🔗

Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness. Col. 3:12-14

In verses 12-14, Paul names seven virtues that we must adorn ourselves with to follow God’s plan for Christian living. Putting on these virtues doesn’t mean clothing ourselves with them in the morning and taking them off each night. The aorist tense used here indicates the permanent acquisition of these vir­tues. We are to adorn ourselves with these virtues on an abiding basis; we must put them on and never take them off. We must put them on as “the elect of God,” holy and beloved in God’s sight for the sake of Christ.

Paul then names the Colossian believers as:

1. elect of God – i.e., chosen by Him from all eternity,
    
2. holy, meaning set apart for God, and
    
3. beloved, especially by God.

These titles are a clear contrast to what the Judaizers said of the Colos­sian Christians: “You are nothing but sinners because you do not observe our Judaic decrees.” God says of the Colossian Chris­tians, yes, of all His people: “You are elect of Me, holy, and beloved.” What a blessing it is when two Christians, particularly a husband and a wife, may rightly claim the graces of God and lay hold of such titles. They may then show forth the Christian virtues of obedience in the second table of the law in their rela­tionship to each other as the fruit of Christ. God’s people learn these seven virtues at the feet of Christ.

Paul presents these virtues in three sets of couplets, fol­lowed by a virtue that serves as the capstone of them all. The first two virtues: “bowels of mercies” and “kindness,” are nearly synonymous. “Bowels of mercies” reflects the connection in the Greek mind between tender emotions and the stirring of inner physical organs. It means having a tender heart or tender feelings of compassion. As Christians, we are to have bowels of mercies like those of Christ, our sympathetic High Priest, who is afflicted in all our afflictions. Dear friends, when your spouse is sick or distressed, show compassion through tenderness and understanding. Last month I asked a group of elementary school children, “How many of you like your mom to show you tender feelings of sympathy when you are sick?” Every hand went up! We are not really different when we grow up. When our spouse is hurting physically, emotionally, or spiritually, we must show bowels of mercies.

We must also be kind like Christ. Kindness is broader than compassion; it is goodness or kindness extended to the distressed and suffering in all times and situations. Kindness is a funda­mental ingredient of a good marriage. Most of marriage is not like honeymooning in the Alps or the Caribbean; it is made up of small acts of daily kindness, such as offering prayer for each other, putting toast in the toaster for each other, asking each other how the day went, and giving each other a silent smile. These virtues are foundational for a good marriage. They place us beside each other and cultivate loving intimacy.

The next two virtues, humbleness of mind and meekness, place us below each other. No virtue is more important for Chris­tian living than humility. When Augustine was asked, “What are the three greatest virtues needed for Christian living?” he answered: “Humility, humility, humility.” That virtue is essen­tial in marriage as well. Most marital problems start by looking down on each other, while most marital joys start by looking up to each other. When you respect, love, and admire each other, you experience the truth of the saying: “A good marriage is where both partners feel they got the better end of the deal.”

We must also be humble like Christ. Philippians 2:5, 7 tells us: “Let this mind be in you that was also in Christ Jesus, (who) made himself of no reputation.” We must humble ourselves before God and each other. We must remember that we as mar­riage partners are both poor sinners. We must therefore refrain from trampling upon each other and instead lift each other up. So, bow before each other. “Submit yourselves one to another in the fear of God” (Eph. 5:20).

Be meek like Christ. Meekness is not weakness or spineless­ness, contrary to what others may say; meekness is the willingness to suffer rather than to inflict suffering. By nature, we tend to forget kindnesses and remember injuries, but meekness remem­bers kindnesses and forgets injuries. Meekness does not revenge itself; it forgives. Yoked to Christ, meekness rewards good for evil. Meekness strives, in Christ’s strength, to put another’s needs before your own. Instead of asking, “How can my spouse be a better husband?” or “How can my spouse be a better wife?” meek­ness asks, “How can I be a better husband or a better wife?”

The fifth and sixth virtues are longsuffering and forbearance. To be longsuffering like Christ is to hold out under provocation and injustice, not giving way to resentment or retaliation. How patient Christ was in bearing all His sufferings! How longsuffer­ing He is in bearing with us and our sins! Let Him be your pat­tern in marriage. When something your partner does provokes you, wait before you speak. Be swift to hear and slow to speak.

We must also forbear and forgive like Christ (v. 13). For­bearing one another means holding out when burdens heap up around you and being thoughtful when your partner acts thoughtlessly.

To forgive like Christ is to forgive unconditionally and immediately. Verse 13 does not mean: “Complain until pardon is asked and amends are made to satisfy you, and then at last condescend to forgive.” No, it means: “The moment you have a complaint against your partner, graciously forgive. Bury the matter at once in genuine forgiveness.” Bury the injury in the spirit of Spurgeon, who said, “When you bury a dead dog, you don’t leave its tail sticking up out of the ground.” A longsuffer­ing, forbearing, forgiving spirit squelches quarrels before they catch flame.

An inner-city missionary ministered to a prostitute in Lon­don. After much prodding, he got her to admit that she had freely left a loving, virtuous home. When the missionary sug­gested that she return home, she said, “That is impossible. My father would not even look at me, and my brother would throw me out.” The missionary persuaded the woman to write to her family. Two days later she received an envelope marked: Deliver Immediately. Inside was the message:

Ready to forgive,
Your father and brother

So God is to us. Every day He sends us the letter of His Word. From Genesis to Revelation He tells us, as it were,

Ready to forgive,
Your Father in heaven and your
Elder Brother at His right hand

Just as Psalm 86:5 says, “For thou, Lord, art good and ready to forgive,” so you must always be ready to forgive each other.

The capstone of all these virtues is, not surprisingly, love (v. 14). Colossians 3 and 1 Corinthians 13 tell us that love is supreme. Love heads the list of the fruits of the Spirit in Gala­tians 5:22. Love is the lubricant that enables other virtues to function smoothly.

Colossians 3:14 literally says, “above all these things, have the love,” the steady, intelligent, purposeful, committed agape love of God that flows out of faith. This love gives sacrificially without any thought of return. There is nothing more beautiful in this life than a loving relationship that flows out of the love of Christ. Paul calls love “the bond of perfection,” or complete­ness. Love is the grace that holds all other graces together and motivates the individual believer to the perfection of glory. In marriage, love is the bond of perfection; it is Christlike love that so unites a husband and wife that they might together be formed for the perfection of glory.

Put on these seven virtues, Paul says, don’t be stirring up your own character – for by nature we don’t have these vir­tues no matter how nice other people judge us to be – but by submitting to Christ, whose bowels of mercies and kindness, humbleness of mind and meekness, longsuffering and forbear­ing, and loving spirit is your example. By the Spirit’s grace, adorn yourselves as husband and wife with the virtues of Christ.

2. Rule yourselves by the Peace and Word of Christ←⤒🔗

And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. Col. 3:15-16

Colossians 3 next says that the peace of God must rule in your heart and in your marriage. That means, first, that you have “peace with God.” The peace of God cannot rule your marriage if you do not know peace in your inmost soul through the cleans­ing blood and forgiveness of Jesus Christ.

Second, you must be at peace with God’s ways and provi­dence. You must submit to His divine will. As the Reformed liturgy for marriage says, “You are to receive whatever befalls you in this holy state of marriage with patience and thanksgiving, as from the hand of God, and thus all things will turn to your advantage and salvation.”

Third, you must live peaceably with each other. Do not offend your partner, and if he or she offends you, be patient and forgiving. Let the spirit of peace rule in your hearts, Paul says. The original Greek word used here literally means, “Let this peace umpire your hearts.” Let the peace of God arbitrate every situation of potential discord. The umpire in Greek games ended all debate. His verdict was the final word, much as it is today in any organized sport. So Paul says, resolve all matters by the peace of God. You might ask, “What should I do if my husband or my wife slights me, or forgets me, or neglects me? Should I humble myself? Should I yield?” Pride says, “Don’t give in.” But the peace of God says, “Yield, surrender, and give in.” The peace of God says, “Choose to forgive rather than seek vengeance.”

In marriage, you cannot afford to be angry at each other. Without the peace of God, your plans for a happy marriage will burn up in your hands. Without the peace of God, you will think hard thoughts, speak angry words, and perform hostile actions. That will bring you into spiritual darkness, sap your strength, and rob you of the peace of God. Instead, let the peace of God rule in your hearts and flow into your lives. As Spurgeon says: “Set peace in the chariot and let it hold the reins, for anger will set the world on fire.”

Ephesians 3 says God calls you to this peace for your sakes as well as the church, which you are called to as one body. So, when you are having problems in marriage, cry out, “Let Thy peace, oh God, rule over me, rule in me, rule through me, to Thy glory, to our mutual happiness, but also to the prosperity of the church, the body of Christ.” Only then will you be useful and fruitful with each other in God’s church.

And only then can you also be truly thankful, as verse 15 says. In the present imperative Paul says, “Be ye ever thank­ful,” meaning you should live thankfully every day, whether in prosperity or adversity. When peace rules, thankfulness ensues and murmuring ceases. Be thankful to God, be thankful to each other, and be thankful for the church.

God’s plan for godly living commands us to live in peace and gratitude. It also calls us to live centered in God’s Word (v. 16). Verse 16 is inseparable from verse 15. Thus the inward, subjec­tive peace of Christ is built on the objective Word of Christ.

Verse 16 tells you to let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly. The holy Word must enter into you so that you may enter into it. To richly dwell on Christ’s Word means that you must understand it, believe it, search it, memorize it, meditate on it, love it, and live it. You must drink it in. You must abide in it. You must let God’s Word occupy your entire being, govern your entire life, and move your will and affections. Let the Bible be your most familiar friend. Let it strengthen you in temptations and trials. Let it guide you through the stormy waves and winds of this life and lead you at last into the safe harbor of heaven.

So, study the Bible together, “teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord” (v. 16b). The three ways to do this are by teaching, admonishing, and singing. Teach each other by studying the Bible together. Admonish each other in love from the Bible. And sing its truths together, especially through the psalms. Let your home be filled with praises to God.

3. Motivate yourselves by the Name of Christ←⤒🔗

And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him. Col. 3:17

To motivate ourselves by the name of Jesus means at least three things:

• Let everything you do be in relation to Christ and His truth. This is a comprehensive way of life that teaches us that we are truly free only when we abide in Christ.
   
• Do everything under the authority of Jesus as your Savior and King. Never live independent of Him. Remember that without Him you can do nothing. Seek to know His will through His Word and His example, then strive to follow it in obedience.
   
• Strive to live for Christ.

All for the Master, all without reserve,
All to the utmost of our manhood’s might;
Each pulse, each throb of heart and thrill of nerve,
Each hour of busy day and silent night.

Let Christ be your Guide in all of life. Be saturated with the spirit of Christ. Only then will you be able to say, “For me to live is Christ and to die is gain.”

The famous ornithologist, John James Audubon, lived for one purpose: to produce accurate drawings of every North American bird. He traveled endlessly, underwent hardships of nearly every kind, and spent all his time and money toward this goal. It consumed his life. Likewise, you should make Christ your goal. Spare yourself no hardship to seek Christ, find Christ, know Christ, live for Christ, live out of Christ, and live like Christ. Let all you do be subservient to this one thing: “That I may fin­ish my course with joy, glorifying Christ in life and in death.”

Let Christ be the purpose for which you live. Do not make each other your ultimate purpose in life, for if you do, you will end up deeply disappointed. Instead, let your goal be to live to God’s glory, “giving thanks to God and the Father by Christ.”

Dear friends, follow Paul’s plan for Christian living. Adorn yourselves with the virtues of Christ. Rule yourselves by the peace and Word of Christ. Motivate yourselves by the name of Christ. And remember, we need this plan not only in our marriages but also in our personal relationship with God and with each other. Do not rest short of coming to the perfect Bridegroom, Jesus Christ, repenting at His feet, believing on Him, and entrusting your entire life to Him. Strive, by the Spirit’s grace, to adorn yourself with the virtues of Christ. Rule yourselves by the peace and Word of Christ, and motivate yourselves by the name of Christ in your life, your marriage, and in the new decade.