Have you ever seen a championship football team with no positions designated and no assigned tasks for each player? Ridiculous, you say.

And yet society expects families to function that way, with no assigned responsibilities for the husband and the wife. We can be thankful that God was wiser in his design for the family. He assigned specific responsibilities to each member. The husband is the leader of the family, the wife is his helper, and the children are the responsibility of both.

While God's commands sometimes go "against the grain" of our way of thinking, they are always perfect. He says to us husbands that we are to lead and love – to be a loving leader. In Ephesians 5:23 we read God's instructions on the quality of this leadership:

For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.

What an example to follow!

One of the chief qualities required of husbands is humility. The husband should be a loving servant-leader. His attention should not be focused on his own needs, but on his wife's. He should lead for the good of his wife. Jesus said that he "did not come to be served, but to serve" (Mark 10:45). This is our pattern for leadership as husbands.

How did Jesus go about this servant leadership?

• First, he spent much time with his disciples.

• Second, he carefully and aptly instructed them.

• Third, he led them by example.

• Fourth, he made them full partners in his ministry.

Our challenge is to apply these principles to our relationships with our wives. Doing this will bring great reward.

One of the areas where we fail most often in our leadership is in our responsibility to oversee our wives' spiritual lives. If your wife is not making progress, or is even in a slump, it is your prayers and leadership that are necessary ingredients (and urgent requirements) for enabling her to get back on a strong pattern of spiritual growth.

God calls us also to love our wives. In Ephesians 5:25-28 God commands us three times to love our wives – twice to love her as we love ourselves and once to love her as Christ loves the church. What a challenge it is to love our wives as Christ loves his church. Christ's love for the church is described in the Bible as unconditional (Romans 5:8), volitional (Ephesians 1:6, 7), intense (John 13:1), unending (Jeremiah 31:3), unselfish (Philippians 2:6, 7), purposeful (Ephesians 5:25, 26), sacrificial (1 Peter 2:24), and obvious (John 14:1-3). To love our wives we must be concerned for their varied needs – physical, emotional, intellectual, social, recreational, sexual, and spiritual. None can be overlooked.

Husbands, after reading this article, you may feel guilty for past failures. God has an antidote: confess your failures to God and to your wife. Perhaps you feel inadequate to carry out everything listed on the job description for a husband. If you do, take heart. After 47 years of marriage, my testimony is that it has been the greatest work I have ever had – and I'm still learning!