LITURGY⤒🔗

Singing:
Ps. 33:1,4
Ps. 119:5,24,25
Ps. 45:1,4
Hy. 37:3,4
Hy. 24:5,6,7←↰⤒🔗

Reading:
Genesis 2:18-25
Ephesians 5:21-33←↰⤒🔗

Beloved brothers and sisters in our Lord Jesus Christ,

The letter to the Ephesians is a prime example of the ongoing need for renewal and daily conversion in the lives of the people of God. Paul wrote “to the saints…, the faithful in Christ Jesus” (1:1), to those chosen by God (1:4) and predestined in love (1:5). But these Christians (like all Christians) need direction and instruction as to how they are to practice what they believe. They are actively called to break away from the influences of a wicked and evil world to follow the only standard for obedient living: God's holy and infallible Word.

Children of the Lord do not have to sit back and wait until they receive a special revelation from God telling them what to do. The Lord teaches, corrects and reproves through the living preaching of the gospel. Based on the fact that his readers have had the good news preached to them, Peter writes "Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy and slander of every kind. Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation.” (1 Peter 2:1,2) The church is the labour room and rebirth centre of the Spirit. We come out like newborn babes.

What is taught in church is to be applied in all human and social relationships. In Ephesians 5:22-24 Paul discusses the role and function of a wife in a Christian marriage. How a marriage works is not determined by what society thinks but, by what God demands. A married woman is to be subject to her husband and acknowledge him to be the head of the family. By being submissive, a woman acknowledges that it is her husband's task to lead the family in the ways of the Lord.

Ephesians 5 also teaches us that a wife is not the only one who has a duty to submit. Out of reverence for Christ (5:21), children are to be subject to their parents by listening to them. Parents, and in particular fathers, are to submit themselves to their children by instructing them in the ways of the Lord. Slaves are to be subject to their masters by obeying them and masters are to submit to their slaves by treating them with respect and compassion, showing no favouritism.

A husband is also to be subject to his wife by loving her. A submissive wife is like the glorious church of Christ. A loving husband is like Christ himself. In this sermon we will take a closer look at the husband's role in marriage. I may summarize the text as follows:

The Apostle Paul Exhorts Married Men to be Subject to their Wives by Loving them. ←⤒🔗

They are to Love their Wives,←⤒🔗

1. Following Christ's Example
2. As Their Own Bodies

As an apostle and witness of the saving work of our Lord Jesus Christ, Paul appeals to husbands exhorting them to love their wives. That sounds easy enough! If you ask your average husband "Do you love your wife?" he will most likely reply, "Of course I do! Why do you think I married her?" What he probably means is that he feels for his wife, cares for her and regards her highly. He has no problem telling her (perhaps even several times a day), "I love you, dear".

But the love referred to by Paul is an act of sacrifice and self-surrender. It is not the emotional, passionate love so many men and women dream and fantasize about. True love, as defined by the Bible, is a commitment which seeks what is good and beneficial for one's spouse. It considers the needs of the other and places those needs above one's own. Such love includes feelings and emotions but doesn't ride on them. It flows from doing what is right. Husbands are to submit to their wives in love, not reluctantly or selfishly, but joyfully, eagerly and sacrificially.

Much of what is called love today is really self-gratification. Such "love" is passion which works overtime turning each other on. But it doesn't take long to discover that passion, revolving around self-gratification is not sufficient to establish a lasting relationship. Yet too many couples begin their marriages thinking this type of love is all they need.

Marriages that are built on sacrificial leave will blossom and flourish. Joined in true love, a husband and wife faithfully assist each other in matters and issues that belong to this life and the life to come. In many marriages matters go wrong because husbands (and wives) are self-centred. Spouses seek their own personal happiness and satisfaction. Especially men have the sinful tendency to dominate and manipulate so that women are made the objects of their pleasure rather than the objects of their love.

In a Christian marriage, however, where husband and wife listen to the Lord, matters ought to be different. For the LORD gives the resources enabling the relationship to function the way he intended. A believing husband may not put his own person first but he must ask, “How can I, in my marriage, mirror the unity that exists between Christ and his Church?” He must demonstrate his love by his willingness to be the lesser, to forego what he deems pleasurable for the sake of strengthening his relationship with his wife.

Beloved, if we really want to know what love is, we have to turn to Jesus Christ. Thus in verse 25, the apostle Paul directs husbands to the example of their Lord and Saviour. They are to be subject to their wives by sacrificing and surrendering themselves "as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her". Jesus Christ stooped down and humbled himself to show us his love. He was willing to do everything for our sake.

Christ's headship is rooted in his sacrifice for his people. Similarly a husband's headship stems from his love – the sacrifice of himself – for his wife.

Let it be understood, the sacrifices husbands make in loving their wives does not have to be accompanied with drama and flair. Perhaps we think sacrifice means something dramatic, like dying in an attempt to rescue your wife from a life-threatening situation. Sacrifice involves the little things much more than any act of courage. Don't expect a band to play for every sacrificial act! Love for your spouse is shown in the daily sacrifices which are not even noticed by others.

Furthermore, keep in mind that our Lord sacrificed himself for his bride not because she was so attractive. Quite the opposite! When he took to her in love she was filthy and impure and had to be made beautiful. Christ showed his love for his church in that he "gave himself up for her, to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless." (Ephesians 5:25-27) Christ's love came to light "while we were still sinners" and estranged from God. While we were still enemies he died for us. He subjected himself to the judgment of the Lord and shed his blood to save us from all our sins. A greater and more profound example of love cannot be found. Jesus, our Saviour, doesn't seek what is good for himself but what is good for his bride.

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.” Even if your wife has character traits or weaknesses that irk you, you may not become critical or bitter. Don't we as Christ's church have many sins and weaknesses that could "irk" Christ, our Head? A loving husband will have patience with his wife. He will talk to her about the matters that bother him rather than let it fester and brew inside. He will do his utmost to help his wife so that her talents may be employed fully. A husband's love may not be controlled and governed by the performance of his spouse.

"Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.” How did Christ love the church? He loved unconditionally. Therefore a husband may not say to his wife, "Dear, I'm only going to love you when you submit to me first.” He must be determined to love her through thick and thin. A husband is commanded to love even if his wife does not always notice or respond. If he does not love her, he is being disobedient to the Lord.

Husbands, what are you doing for your wives? Do you really show that you love her? Men, if you love your wives you will communicate with her and never close her out. You will regard her as being more important than your work, friends or hobbies. You will do everything to come to grips with her feelings, value what she says and respect her opinion. You will be gentle with her, comfort her, and pray for her. You will show that you need her help to lead the family in the service of the Lord. You will notice what she has done, and be willing to share responsibilities, and the list could go on. You must ask yourself again and again "Do I love my wife in the way the Lord demands of me? Do I follow the example given to me by the Lord Jesus Christ? The entire earthly ministry of Christ was an indication of his willingness to give himself up for the sake of the church.  After a long and tiring day of preaching and healing, he still found the time to serve and minister to those in need. He endured abuse, was ridiculed and scoffed at because of his willingness to lay aside his heavenly glory. He suffered the pain, agony, humiliation and degradation of the cross. And presently he intercedes for us before the throne of God.

Of course it is impossible to match what Christ has done for us in his love. His sacrifice was perfect and it was made in atonement for sin. Yet husbands are to follow their Lord in his example of true love and give themselves unselfishly to their wives. If a man does this, it will certainly not be a chore for a wife to submit to his leadership.

How can men become more sacrificial and loving toward their wives? They must begin by asking the Lord for insight and wisdom so that they may see where love is lacking. Those prayers are to be accompanied by an eagerness and willingness to let the Word of God shape their thoughts, words, gestures, and actions. Yes, husbands pray that the Holy Spirit point out ways, means and opportunities that will enable you to crucify your own flesh and give yourself to your spouse.

Why does God command husbands to love their wives? The purpose and goal of giving and sacrifice is not designed simply to satisfy her. Nor is it a tactic to keep the peace or to make the marriage work out. Love must produce holiness, loyalty, faithfulness, integrity, and purity in the marriage life. Christ loved his church; he gave himself up for her “to maker her holy”, that is, that he might set her apart and make her into something special. He promises the church cleansing and renewal through the preaching of the Word and he makes his promise visible through baptism. In the same manner a husband must be devoted to his wife. She is to be set apart from other women and given special preferential treatment. That must be noticed, visibly. True love does not remain hidden or concealed. No, you don't have to hang all over your wife. There is a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing. Yet a husband must show that he honours and loves his wife in the way he speaks to her and about her in public. Sarcastic and rude comments should be avoided at all costs.

A woman's spiritual well-being is also her husband's, since he loves her as his own body, following Christ's example. This leads us to our second point:

2. A man and a woman joined together in marriage become one body. Thus they are more than marriage partners who sign a contract. A business can be run by partners since the parties involved have the same goals and parallel pursuits. In marriage, however, matters are much more intimate. Two people get married not because they have interests that overlap and coincide but they become one so that when something is not good for a husband it is not good for his wife either, and the other way around. God created mankind in his own image as male and female, but they work together as one. For this reason a man leaves his father and mother and is united with his wife and they become one flesh (Genesis 2:24).

This is the basis for Paul's command to husbands in verses 28 and 29. "In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.  After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church.” Notice this verse does not say, "Love your wife like your own body", but "Love your wife because she is your body". Her body has become your body. You are one flesh. Therefore you cannot keep her at arm's length. One part of the body cannot say to the other, "I have no need of you".

Beloved, applying the principles of the Lord leads to practical action. First, husbands who love their wives as their own bodies strive to do all things together. They will not speak in terms of "I" and "me" but "we" and "us": ‘How will this decision in business affect us?’ ‘How will buying this item bring pleasure to us and not just to me?’ Marriage causes a couple to become parts of one another; members of the same flesh. They may not live beside each other without involving each other in what is going on in their lives. A married man may not live as if he is still single; as if he is free to pursue his own interests, ambitions and entertainment.

Secondly, a husband who loves his wife as his own body is not to abuse her. There are husbands who abuse their wives physically, emotionally, mentally, sexually, spiritually and financially because they treat them as a mere object or tool to get what they want. Children of God are to honour their bodies as a temple of the Holy Spirit. A Christian husband must allow himself to be controlled by the Spirit and not by the emotion of the moment. Marriage is not merely a legitimate way of fulfilling sexual desires.

In the third place, one who loves his wife as his own body will not neglect her. He will make sure all her needs are met and will go out of his way to let her know that he treats her as his own body. He will communicate with his wife about his own personal life and about matters of mutual interest.

Fourth, treating your wife as your own body keeps you from taking her for granted. You will not have her do what you are unwilling to do, or what you find too low to do.

Fifth, a husband submits to his wife and shows his love by sustaining her. Verse 29,30 says “After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church”. If you love someone, you meet their needs as if they were your own. A husband must provide his wife with that care and feeding – physically, spiritually and emotionally. He makes sure she is looked after on time all the time.

Sixth, a husband should always guard the oneness of the marriage relationship. What God has joined together in such a wonderful way man may not break through physical adultery or by getting wrapped up in pornography or a fantasy world. He who is not faithful to his wife and does not love her, not only harms her but also harms himself. If only men would realize it. He who does not love his wife is as one who neglects to take care of his own body.

Once again the apostle draws a comparison to the relation of Christ and his care for the flock. Our Lord Jesus surrounds his people and looks after all their needs. He tends and feeds the sheep of his pasture. The members of his body are nourished to everlasting life. The Lord is always busy with his church. That is why the Spirit of Christ was poured forth upon the church on the day of Pentecost and for the same reason he gives office-bearers to equip the saints for service.

In marriage, husbands are to make sure their wives are looked after properly. Husbands, always ask yourself, "What does my wife need: what will help and strengthen her? What does she need to serve the Lord in body and soul?"

A young man is often out to please his girlfriend before they get married. That shouldn't diminish once the knot is tied. Rather, it should be intensified. For after the wedding day the unity has become even stronger. A married couple must speak together about the service of the Lord, read the Bible and pray together. They must pray concretely about the sin and guilt present in their lives and in the marriage relation. Together they must ask for cleansing, for renewal, for protection, for wisdom and for insight. A husband who sets out to do these things treats his wife as his own body. He nourishes her as his own body.

Brothers and sisters, Ephesians 5 has shown to us how men and women are to serve God in the bond of marriage. Marriage is such a beautiful and wonderful institution! Yet in the church it isn't always honoured as it should be. But God calls us back. He shows us how he wants the relation to function between husband and wife. For his sake we must conform. If we are not willing to do so we should not start a relationship. Young men and women, teenagers, these are the matters you should be discussing in dating and courtship. These are the guidelines for a strong relationship. The Lord calls us to treat marriage in view of the redeeming work of Christ. He wants us to reflect in our marriages the unity between Christ and his church. Husbands and wives who do follow what the Lord says, submitting to one another in reverence to Christ, are a blessing to the entire church. For they have learned an important lesson to be applied in the communion of saints. True love gets you out of your shell and makes you a vibrant part of the church. A married couple in love does not live on their family island without any concern for others. United in love they desire to use their time, energy, talents and gifts for the benefit of others.

Thus, what is written in Ephesians 5 is not only the concern of married couples but of the entire congregation. The unmarried should not think this passage is not for them. Good marriages are a benefit to the whole church. For who are able to offer hospitality and warmth to those who are alone? A family where there is a good relationship between husband and wife. And single people can in turn be a great help and blessing to the families and marriages in the church.

Beloved, let us see to it that what is said in this passage is lived and believed, in order that Christ may see in his church the same faithfulness and love he has shown to us. Amen.