The church, it is often said, is a hospital for sinners, a place where sinful people may go for spiritual healing. In church, sinners find the message of forgiveness in the blood of Jesus and renewal in the Spirit of Jesus. This is available to everyone who accepts Christ in true faith and repentance. Is it also available to those who have same-sex attractions, to those who are enticed by the gay life but recognize it as sin and wish to give it up? Is the church a safe home for same-sex strugglers?

Strugglers Within⤒🔗

Scripture is clear that sexual acts with persons of the same sex is sin. That hardly needs an explanation or a defense for those who take the Bible as God’s Word. This also means that desiring in one’s heart this kind of intimacy is also sin. There are God-fearing, Christ-believing people in this world and also within Canadian Reformed churches who know this and accept it and yet can’t seem to get rid of their desires and attraction for this sin – do they find in the church community friends to open up to, and brothers and sisters to aid in the struggle? They are struggling, they wish to resist and grow in the holiness which comes from the Spirit of Christ, and yet it’s brutally hard. Are we making it easier or harder for them?

Powerful Desires←⤒🔗

I realize that talk of same-sex strugglers in the church may startle or alarm some. Yet they are there. For many, there will be a recoiling at the thought because of the revulsion of the concept. Others will feel little sympathy and rather brush off the idea of such struggle, thinking, “Why don’t they just give it up then? Walk away and be done with it?”

It might be very hard for us to relate to these particular desires because they are so totally foreign to our thinking and so against the way God created things. And yet, when you reflect on what the Bible says about the human heart conceived and born in sin, is it really so strange that these desires lie deep within the heart of some? Already by Genesis 6:5, the LORD observes that “every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time.” By Genesis 19, we find two major cities in Canaan renowned for their sexual perversion specifically in same-sex activity. It was their reputation which gave rise to a euphemism for the behaviour known still today as “sodomy.”

The truth is, as we confess in Lord’s Day 2, every human heart by nature is inclined to hate God and our neighbour. We naturally want to do many, many things that do not please God and are not good for our neighbour, and we like it that way. Different people have different sinful inclinations; for the one, alcohol abuse beckons constantly but for the other it has no appeal. For one person, spreading gossip makes their day but for another it is peevish and uninteresting.

And even when God brings us to repentance, that old life-style and those old desires often keep calling. Just like a former drinker or drug abuser will often tell you that the pull is always there and they need to fight it off constantly, so a former gay or lesbian may tell you that temptation is crouching at the doorway. And it’s all the more dangerous and difficult if one has to fight it off alone.

Temptation Fighters←⤒🔗

I don’t see much point in debating whether one’s attraction to those of the same sex is biological (and therefore natural), environmental, or choice-based. No matter the origin, there is no justification for the sin. The truth is, all sin is natural to the human heart. It feels at home there, it is deeply rooted there. Same-sex attraction may well be influenced by our circumstances and we certainly also choose to exercise (or not) those desires. Wherever such desires come from, they are sin and as Christians they must be resisted.

We all can relate to this at a basic level. Each of us has sinful desires – we may not have same-sex desires (and so find it hard to relate to those who do) but can we not think of other wrong desires we have that are so hard to combat and seem never to go away? Have you tried to quit smoking? Or give up foods you enjoy but which are bad for you? Who will say these cravings are easily overcome? Which of us hasn’t fallen back into bad habits multiple times?

Lustful thoughts, attraction to pornography, a pull toward sexual activity outside of marriage can be powerful and almost unstoppable for many young Christian men. Desiring comfort from the pleasure of food or from some form of temporary escape from reality; wanting badly to be well-thought of by others, to be envied because of our looks or success, all these can be a constant presence in the lives of many young Christian women. Jealousy, hatred, greed, desire to deceive, and coveting to name a few others are also naturally found in many hearts and don’t necessarily or easily disappear after conversion. As Christians, such thoughts arise before we know it. The desire burns inside and it’s all we can do to restrain ourselves from acting on them – this is the struggle of every sinner, also of those fighting same-sex attraction.

Our Attitudes←⤒🔗

As a communion of saints, we must realize this battle exists and make provisions to help. The first provision is to adjust our attitudes. We might be disgusted at this sin and be turned-off completely from even dealing with it. But is that right? Did the Lord turn away from us in disgust at our many sins?

It is true that same-sex acts are called by God an “abomination” (Lev 18:22, ESV) and are to be hated by God’s people as they are hated by the Lord. But so is idolatry (Deut 13:13-15, ESV where the same word is used in the original)! Worshipping other gods is an abomination equally to be hated by God’s people and how many of us don’t struggle with putting our trust in something other than or in addition to the one true God (see LD 34, Q/A 95)? As John Calvin said, human nature is a continual “factory of idols.” If God’s grace can extend to idolaters then it can also extend to same-sex offenders. In that light, as God’s people we must treat them in the same way God does. Anyone who in faith repents from any sin should find an open door into the church and open arms to receive them.

Our Insults←⤒🔗

Our arms are not open for such strugglers if our mouths are breathing out insults or, worse, threats. Imagine that in your high-school class was a teenager secretly fighting same-sex attraction and a few guys start making jokes about gays and lesbians. How would that person feel? What if he heard peers at youth group speak of “fags” and “queers” with total disdain, threatening to “kick their heads in” if they ever ran into any? Would that make him want to open up about his inner “demons,” the great tension building within him?

Not only are such bullying tactics anti-Christian, attitudes like that drive the struggling sinner deeper underground. When a person feels completely alone with his or her feelings, when he or she thinks there is no one to talk to who would understand or be sympathetic, no one to offer support in trying to break away from the hold those feelings have, where will they go? Where will they end up? Is there not a high risk that they’ll end up giving in to those sinful instincts and plunge into the only community that will embrace them and allow them to be open about their feelings? There is more than one former Canadian Reformed person living today in a gay community. They certainly remain responsible for their sinful choices but we should reflect that in such cases we may have unwittingly played a role in driving them out of the church. If so, the only way to start reversing this is by changing our attitudes.

Their Fears←⤒🔗

We can create obstacles and isolate same-sex strugglers in other ways we might not even be aware of, without intending to at all. Imagine a group of godly young men meeting to study Scripture, pray, and also talk about their struggles as Christians. The leader starts in, “Okay guys: I’m going to own up to the fact that I wrestle with lustful thoughts when I see a pretty girl. I think every red-blooded Canadian does. I find it hard not to undress her with my eyes – do you guys know what I’m talking about?” All the other guys start nodding.

But one guy who is nodding on the outside is inwardly crying out in desperation: “I don’t know what they are talking about! I see guys like this, not girls!” In an instant he feels his aloneness, how different he is among his peers – what would the group say if he dared to speak of his sexual struggle? In this scenario, a total lack of awareness of even the possibility of same-sex attraction would serve to isolate, marginalize, and add to the already great sense of loneliness.

This is what such strugglers deal with in addition to their own inner battles. Fear can be a very real problem for anyone dealing with a sin which has such a strong, negative social stigma attached to it. There is fear of being outed and the embarrassment and shame that goes with it. There is the fear of being rejected and abandoned by friends and even family. There is the fear of changing, of not knowing how to get rid of unwanted desires. And there is always the fear of failure. This is true for those struggling with pornography, alcohol, and drug abuse but even more with same-sex attraction. Fearing failure can paralyze a person from taking action in repentance.

Firm in Love←⤒🔗

The church doesn’t need to give an inch (nor may it!) on the biblical truth that same-sex attraction and action is sin. Like a man lusting after a woman, so a man lusting after a man is sin in God’s eyes. It is indeed completely contrary to his created order. But it’s equally sin for which the Saviour has died for all those who repent and believe!

As church we must reach out to all who, like us, are conceived and born in sin – also gays and lesbians. They too must be called to repentance and faith in Christ as we have been. The church in Corinth had former gays in it (1 Cor 6:9-11), people who by God’s grace repented and who were sanctified in Christ. Can the church in your town have people like that too, accepted by the congregation as children of God? Are you ready to love them as you have been loved by God?

Being sanctified does not mean the struggle against temptation is over. It most often means the struggle is just beginning. So help is needed. Let’s not turn our backs on any struggling same-sex sinner but let’s open our hearts and our arms to extend grace, even as grace has first been extended to us.