During the last holiday, I spent almost a week in England. While there I daily attended Evensong. Evensong is a set liturgy of spoken and sung Bible passages and prayers, lasting forty-five minutes. The canticles of Mary and Simeon have a fixed place in the liturgy, as do the confession of sins and the profession of faith using the Twelve Articles of the Apostle’s Creed, as well as several prayers.

Imagine ending each day with such a service; in a dedicated space, with a community dedicated to this event. Every day you hear and pronounce the same words, always in a fixed, recognisable order. Even if it is in a language that is not your native tongue, after a week you already get to know phrases by heart. Imagine being introduced to this from a young age by your parents or school. What influence will that have on you?

Parenting⤒🔗

As parents, my wife and I saw that our children’s development began early. Until about age twelve we were able, so to speak, to instill whatever we wanted in them. The child registers, records, and sometimes resists, and asks why, but there is a natural acceptance of what their parents tell them. As they grow older, they use their upbringing as a foundation to build on or even challenge. You shape your child by telling them what is wise, as defined in the Old Testament. And not just by telling them, but also by living it. This formation takes place through the setting and application of rules. The rules you set as parents are the markers of the right path that should guide your child. The beauty of starting to set rules early is that it forms habits. Your child knows that this is how it should be: attending both services on Sunday, reading the Bible and praying at the table, reading a book: all good habits behind which are hidden rules that are learned as a matter of course.

Twelve plus←⤒🔗

Roughly around the age of twelve, when your child starts secondary school, your parental role as educator seems to end. Peers and online idols and movies seem to take over your role as educator. The world appears bigger and more diverse. Apparently, not everyone goes to church twice, and reading a book is no longer a popular pastime. Is what was taught as “normal” really normal? The education at home does not end, but it does require different skills from parents. You have taught and modelled your child how to do things; now they can get started on their own, with your support in the background. Your way of imposing rules changes. You increasingly engage in conversations with your child. You give them increased responsibility.

Self-Formation←⤒🔗

To shape your child and to increasingly let them go from adolescence so they learn to navigate independently, you must be a formed person yourself. You adhere to rules and customs that reveal your wisdom. You ensure that you are continually being shaped. You model virtues such as moderation, trustworthiness, charity and compassion, and demonstrate your godliness by being faithful in Bible study and church attendance.

The Church←⤒🔗

How does the church help you in the formation of young people? We do not have a daily evensong to which we can take our children and young people. In addition to the weekly worship service, the church offers an hour of catechism and a youth group meeting. However, most importantly, our church also has rituals. One of these is baptism. Allowing the sacrament of baptism to be administered to our young children is of tremendous formative importance. It is of great significance that when baptism is administered, as parents we promise that we will teach our children to understand the meaning and significance of their baptism.

Baptism←⤒🔗

Through immersion or sprinkling with water, we allow our young people to experience that they are subject to eternal judgment. Sins are present and must be washed away. The children are not by nature “flawless gems.” Their will and thinking alone cannot guide them concerning what is good or what family and life is all about. Rather, their will and thinking must be reformed for the better.

Moreover, baptism tells our children that not only they, but all of life is corrupted. Their fellow humans, including their own parents, are also fallible. They should not be surprised if thorns and thistles grow up, despite their good efforts and intentions. In the baptismal formula, life is characterised as "a constant death." Hence: "Memento mori." This is a message that contradicts what we hear today and is therefore particularly relevant for our young people. We try to keep all trouble and difficulty away, and to a certain extent, we succeed. But sooner or later you will encounter it: there are opposing forces, others hurt you, and you make mistakes yourself. Yet, you do not perish in the baptismal waters. You come through the baptismal waters. How is that possible? Because you are baptised into Christ’s death (Romans 6). Christ’s death is the bulrushes in which Moses lay, in which he survived being abandoned to the Nile. When our young people learn to understand this, it shapes them into grateful and hopeful people.

Finally, baptism is also an example of parental self-sacrifice. Just as Abraham hands over his son, his future, in obedience to God, at baptism we dedicate our children to Christ. We confess that they belong to Him. Parents are the role models for children. At baptism, they show:

“That’s the kind of person we want you to be, someone who can surrender everything, who can deny themselves. For such people are subjects of God’s kingdom.”

The formation of our young people begins at their earliest beginnings. Forming habits is important in this regard. We do not have the phenomenon of evensong in our church tradition, but do not underestimate the formative power of the church customs we do have!