You have to admit, that was pretty good advice – especially for Timothy as a young pastor. Paul knew that if you wanted to reach people, the matter of approach was important. “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone,” he says in another place (Col. 4:6). Some people like salt on their meals. Some like more. Some like less. Some like none at all. But this is precisely Paul’s point. Our conversation should always be gracious. We have to realize that the other person is important. We need to know who that person is and how he or she is responding to what we are saying. If necessary, we must change our approach. In still another place, “To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some.” (1 Cor. 9:23). As a missionary, Paul knew that you don’t win many Jews by offering to explain who Jesus really is over a ham sandwich. Nope. Sorry. That approach just won’t do. Likewise, you don’t win many older people to your point of view by being arrogant and know-it-all-ish as a young person. Ridiculing older folk doesn’t go down very well. Much wiser to appeal to an older person carefully and with grace and respect, as you should treat a father. All in all, if you want to communicate effectively, you have to know who the other person is, where he is coming from, and you have to figure out which kind of approach is most likely to bring about the response you are seeking.

Enter the internet chat room, or bulletin board. Of course, the apostle Paul never knew of such a mechanism for “keeping in touch” and disseminating information. I suspect that he would have been happy to remain blissfully ignorant of the wonders of 21st century technology. Not that Paul was a technophobe. I doubt it anyway. He sure made use of those Roman roads in the service of the gospel, and they were fairly “modern” in his day. But Paul knew too much about effective communication to be excited about the internet as a medium, even if the World Wide Web had been around in his day. At least, that’s my theory. But before you accuse me of falling off my rocker or my moderately high-tech office chair – let me explain what I mean.

Not Face-to-face⤒🔗

The internet is a very artificial means of communication. It is quick, fast, brief – just the thing to add to the stress of the businessman by making him answer 40 emails before morning tea. In the “good old days” he would maybe get round to one or two letters, painfully written out in long-hand before lunchtime and then sent off for editing and typing by a very helpful secretary who would fix up all his gaffs. But carefully composed snail mail is out these days, and zippy emails are in. Of course there are advantages to email communication, but this article is about the disadvantages and traps of this means of communication, so I’m going to stick to those.

Here are some things to consider: First, because it is brief and terse, by its very nature, email communication is not conducive to solving conflict and reaching resolutions. In fact, I’ve observed quite a bit of conflict produced by email interaction. You see, in ordinary conversation, there is a great deal of information that we process about the other person’s speech and how our own speech is being received. We do this naturally, often without thinking about it, and in so doing, we can often prevent misunderstandings from occurring before they get off the ground. This is one of the things that makes social interaction so difficult for autistic people. It is because they cannot “read” social situations and body language and intonation easily that conversation with others becomes so difficult (and frightening!) for folk with this disability. With email, there is no body language to read and there is not even an intonation or tone of voice to listen to. There are just words – short – terse – often written in a hurry – and often with very little thought to how these words might be interpreted – or misinterpreted – by the other person. It is very easy to get the wrong idea and overreact, or not react at all, to the disappointment and frustration of the other. And then there needs to be a phone call or a meeting with a person to sort things out afterwards (“if only I had spoken to you earlier! I’m glad that is cleared up”). Sessions, please take note. Getting out the minutes of the meeting and the correspondence by email is great. Fantastic. But in Dovedale we have had to remind ourselves a couple of times that what we must not do is try to discuss or debate an issue via email. It simply doesn’t work. There is no substitute for the old process of actually meeting with brothers face to face, listening carefully to the discussion, putting one’s own point of view, and then reaching a resolution together. In the end, there are far fewer misunderstandings when the older process is used. The tortoise is not so slow, after all.

No Accountability←⤒🔗

So far, we are speaking of direct emails to people you already know. The situation is vastly complicated by bulletin boards and chat rooms in which you do not even know the other person on the other end of your correspondence. And just to muddy the waters still further, pseudonyms are often used in these forums. How can you possibly know how to “speak” to someone on the other end of a bulletin board if you are speaking to anonymity? We would just have to say to Paul, “Sorry, you gave good advice to Timothy in 1 Tim. 5:1, 2 but mate, you are behind the times. On a bulletin board, you don’t even know whether you are dealing with someone older or younger, male or female. On the internet, the playing field is level.” Yes, and I suspect that is why many people, especially young people, are attracted to it. Anonymity. Say what you like. Say what you would not say in ordinary conversation. No accountability. Adopt a persona. Wind someone up. See how others react. It’s fun! Well, not really. I’ve seen relationships harmed by internet conversation. I’ve seen people misunderstand each other, talk past each other, and display insensitivity to each other. I’ve seen even older, wiser people have to admit with egg on their faces that they said something in haste – that they hit the “send” button too soon. And I’ve seen younger, not so wise people, do the same thing but refuse to admit it, probably because of their pride.

Not a ‘Real’ World←⤒🔗

Still another potential byproduct of the email discussion group for Christians is an undermining of confidence in the views of the people around you – parents, elders, ministers, and in church structures. The “real” camaraderie and fellowship is experienced between like-minded, faceless folk on email in various parts of the country or even the world, rather than with actual brothers and sisters with whom we live and serve the Lord in our local congregations – people whom the Lord calls us to love. Parents, have you ever felt that your son or daughter invests more time in email conversation with his “internet buddies” than with his actual brother or sister or with the people in your congregation? Then you know what I mean, and the result can be more tension in your home when you confront this. All too frequently, real relationships can be harmed or even ruined by this unreal form of communication. Something is wrong here.

While we are on the artificial nature of the medium, there is a more sinister note that must be sounded. I saw a TV documentary recently where a psychologist was explaining the dangers of internet chat rooms for young teenage girls being preyed on by older middle-aged men. She pointed out that because the medium is fun, exciting – and unreal, young people are inclined to share inner thoughts and secrets. They type and send off statements that they would never say in ordinary conversation (for which they are accountable) and they thus develop a level of “intimacy” with an individual that they do not know from a bar of soap, as the saying goes. It’s thought to be “safe” and “secure” because they may not even be using real names. But before you know it, there is a “relationship” developing, a “romance” with a person that the young girl knows nothing about. It happens time and time again. The psychologist pulled no punches. Her message was: Beware of the internet chat room. Enter at risk. The fact is, you don’t know who you are dealing with and the reality can be very far from the perception.

Words but not the Word←⤒🔗

There is something else that this medium lends itself to – opinions. In fact, some of the most opinionated writing I’ve ever come across has been on internet bulletin boards. In a way, you can understand why. There is only time for expressing an opinion about a subject. You can’t develop an idea at any length or reason through an issue carefully using the principles Paul speaks of in 1 Tim. 5:1, 2 and in 1 Cor. 9. No, all you have time for, sometimes late at night, is reading the last few contributions with which you might agree or disagree, and zapping off a quick reply. If it’s caustic and witty, so much the better, you might pick up more of a following that way. In the past few years, I’ve been on two or three bulletin boards, and in the end, I’ve unsubscribed them all. Frankly, I don’t have time to wade through all those opinions. I’d rather read a book that an author has laboured over and researched carefully and that some publisher has thought is worth investing some money in. Even then, there is a great deal of junk around. But there is much more lightweight opinion on the internet.

I believe that students are especially vulnerable here, not only because this tends to be the medium of choice among students, but because students are eager for knowledge and there is so much material out there on every conceivable subject, that the internet is viewed as a goldmine by many. And sure, you can get some information on that subject you are researching. It’s there. You’ll find it. But is it of substance? Is it authoritative? Is it worth reading and studying? Students run the risk of becoming surfers of the web, dabblers in the chat room, partakers of the bulletin board – and less knowledgeable in the process. You’ve heard the expression – a jack of all trades and master of none. That’s what I mean. For real scholarship, you need depth rather than breadth. And for Christians, you need careful and detailed study of Scripture. Less time surfing the net and more time in Bible study and reading quality literature on biblical subjects will serve us well.

And don’t forget actually taking the time to sit down with someone – a real conversation with family or friends. This is what will build up relationships and strengthen our faith in the Lord. It is also what will build up your local congregation. Put the time in and make the effort. It’s worth it. Once again, in conclusion, I’m not opposed to email or bulletin boards. I’ve used both. But there are dangers that we should be aware of. That’s why I wanted to “chat” with you about this subject in this article. I hope you find this particular “contribution” of some use. I’m just about to send it off to the editor of this magazine – by email, of course!